Bill Murray Nabbed For Being Sort Of Drunk While Sort Of Driving

These days it seems that Hollywood celebs are constantly melting down from the pressures of getting pretty much whatever they want and swimming in huge vats of money. Just look at Lindsay Lohan who’s trapped in a nasty drug-rehab-relapse cycle, Nicole Richie who drove drunk and got all preggers by a guy that wears mascara and thinks he’s some sort of musician, and poor Beyonce who went tumbling down steps and recently revealed her bosoms all over the place. It’s almost an epidemic.   

And so it is with heavy hearts that we report to you of another Hollywood star that has tragically lost his way: Bill Murray. Yes, Bill Murray got a little too tipsy at the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament in Sweden and tore away in a stolen golf cart at a maximum speed of five miles per hour through downtown Stockholm. Wow. This is almost as shocking as when Gary Coleman lost his temper and hit a steering wheel with his tiny fists of fury in Utah. 

Okay, so Bill Murray didn’t really steal the cart. He just borrowed it from the lobby of his hotel on Monday to hit a nightclub about a mile away, because there’s obviously nothing more urbane than a middle-aged, wispy haired man with acne scars puttering up to an upscale club in a glamorised Rascal Scooter.   

Stockholm police somehow managed to round up the joy-riding Bill Murray on his way back to his hotel from the nightclub. The officers noticed the smell of alcohol on Bill Murray’s breath, which is probably as standard an odour for him as Twinkies breath is for Rosie O’Donnell, so nobody else close to Bill Murray thought anything about it. Stockholm police made the following statement about the incident:

"He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation," the police told the AP. "So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in."  

14 Days. That should give Bill Murray plenty of time to prepare his defence saying he was just really hungry and needed a burger, or perhaps that he was celebrating the widespread success of Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties. 14 days will also give him time to maybe get pregnant to try and stay out of jail. Actually, E! Online reports that Murray will probably end up paying fines, but if his alcohol level is too high he could face jail time. Chances are that if he was coherent enough to hot-wire a golf cart, he’s not drunk enough to go to jail.  

Incidentally, Bill Murray probably didn’t want to take the breath test because he was just embarrassed that his breath smelled so bad from all the boozing, you know. It sure would’ve been nice if one of the police officers offered him an Altoid, or something.  

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Bill Murray: Not So Swede Driver - E! Online