Bill Cosby Settles Civil Case With Pudding Pops. Or Something.

Bill Cosby once goosed us in a fast food restaurant. It was horrible. And then we made the mistake of accepting a 'Benadryl' flavoured McFlurry he handed us. We remember the next several hours quite vividly, but for the sake of making fast money in a very dirty fashion, he drugged us and touched two of our three man-boobs.

We've been talking to lawyers who tell us we'll need something called "evidence" to ensure any level of court-room success. We were all "then sneak into his house and collect some toilet hair! What are we paying you for?!" And our lawyer was all "well technically you're not paying me anything, as the court appointed me to the case because you're all very, very poor."  

Yeah, who knew the judicial system paid lawyers to get all technical like that? Civil courts sure didn't get technical on some lady that's suing Bill Cosby for grabby hands. He had to settle out of court - pudding pop style.  

Pudding Pop style is Latin for "he probably paid her off." Or "no he didn't probably pay her off please Bill Cosby don't sue us."
We've never got the hang of translating Nominatives.

Everything hecklerspray ever needed to know, we learned from Bill Cosby. We've learned lessons like "festive sweaters are appropriate for any occasion," "fat cartoons are people too," and "if you cram enough money down its throat, any problem will go away." All lessons to live by.

And that last one really works too. Some so-far unnamed Canadian woman claims that a few years back after a dinner party, she went home with Cosby. Once there, he tricked her into taking some pills (remember this is according to her) which knocked her out, and then he pawed at her boobs. Bill Cosby denies this, obviously, and claims he gave her Benadryl for medicinal reasons.

The woman tried taking it to court, but she waited a year after the alleged assault to come forward. The case was ruled as having insufficient evidence to proceed, or something like that.

Civil court, apparently, is a whole different ball game. The mystery woman was dragging Bill Cosby through the civil system, and to get her to zip it, some payoff has likely taken place. No sums have been made known, and at this point nobody's even said anything about money specifically, all that's known is a settlement has been reached. British entertainment blog hecklerspray said of the matter:

"Cosby Show the movie, how come nobody else has ever thought of that?"

Well put hecklerspray. Well put indeed.

Read More:

Cosby Settles With Pickering Woman - Toronto Star