Stop what you’re doing. Stop what you’re doing right now and take a look around. This is incredibly important.
We’re not kidding around. One day, in several years to come, your grandchildren will turn to you and ask “What were you doing on the day that Kate Gosselin put in some hair extensions to mask the fact that her real hair looked like a cross between a bad Manga cartoon and the grubby, static-charged pubic merkin that Mickey Rourke kept in his pants during the production of The Wrestler and it somehow became newsworthy?”
And now you’ll know. Now you’ll be able to look down upon their adorable little faces and say “I was despairing for the future of humanity, kids. I was despairing for the future of humanity.”
Kate Gosselin is a single woman now. She’s divorced her horny balding idiot of a husband and she’s back on the prowl. Yep, there’s nothing stopping Kate Gosselin from finding love, apart from a) the fact that she’s got eight young children, b) the fact that whoever she ends up being romantically involved with will be subjected to a horrific level of unwanted media interest from the get-go, c) the fact that she’s primarily famous for being a hard-faced, self-interested shrew who’d happily trample over anybody for even a microsecond of attention and d) she’s got slightly crap hair.
So, in an effort to find love, what has Kate Gosselin done? Has she retired from public view so that any new relationships can develop in a healthy and organic way? Has she radically worked on the root causes of her infamously noxious personality? Don’t be daft – she’s had her hair done.
And, just to prove that she’s still totally committed to being a fame-hungry moron with little regard for anyone else even though her show isn’t on any more, she’s had her hair done on the front cover of People magazine. Here’s how People reported Kate Gosselin’s new look:
Celebrity hairstylist Ted Gibson, who has tended to the tresses of Angelina Jolie and Anne Hathaway, spent nearly 20 hours last week meticulously adding hundreds of extensions to Kate?s hair. Luckily, they both agree that their time together was a smashing success. ?Kate was an absolute sweetheart, I loved her,? says Gibson.
In total, Kate Gosselin’s hair makeover took 20 hours to accomplish. 20 hours! Now, we know that 20 hours might sound like a ridiculously long time to spend having a haircut, but just look at the finished result. Surely 20 hours is a small price to pay to end up looking like the forgotten sister that Hulk Hogan keeps locked in a cupboard. And, after all, it’s not like Kate Gosselin has kids to worry about or anything, is it?
Next week: Jon Gosselin experiments with moustaches and we begin to weep uncontrollably.
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JoeMomma says
Yes she’s quite the catch. All the single men are going to be gunning for a gal with 8 kids.
Maybe she can have a new TV show called Kate’s Choice.
JoeMomma says
Also… doesn’t she kinda look like Kim Katrall (sp?) in that picture?
Barb says
It looks just like her old hair with fake hair glued on. Wait — that’s what it is!
LitNerd says
I was completely unprepared for “the grubby, static-charged pubic merkin that Mickey Rourke kept in his pants during the production of The Wrestler.” By that I mean that I only very narrowly missed spitting Cherry Coke onto my computer screen. P.S.: It was totally worth it.
Liney says
dont like the hair cut but maybe she need the change from all the drama in her life. lol.