Big Momma’s House 2 Out-Nannies US Weekend Box Office

Call us old fashioned, but we thought that there wouldn’t be too many people who - after sitting through the original Big Momma’s House - thought "I’d like to see a film almost identical to this."

How wrong were we? Not only did people want to see Martin Lawrence cavort around in a fatsuit acting all, well, exactly like Martin Lawrence does in all of his films; people wanted to see it enough to push Big Momma’s House 2 to the top of the US weekend box office chart. That’s another positive signal that Big Momma’s House 2 will take home the Best Picture Oscar in March.

Big Momma’s House 2 has somehow managed to top the US weekend box
office chart, proving that ripping off Mr Nanny and Mrs Doubtfire and
mangling it through the dubious acting talents of Martin Lawrence is a
surefire way to hit box office gold. Here’s the US weekend box office
top ten:

1 - Big Momma’s House (Despite appearing to be a monumentally stupid
comedy, Big Momma’s House 2 is actually a deeply moral story. That moral
is: it’s easier to catch hardcore criminals if you’re wearing a heavy
fatsuit and a hilarious wig) $28,000,000

2 - Nanny McPhee (More nannies. Looks like films about side-splitting nannies are
this week’s films about gay cowboys, doesn’t it?) $14,085,000

3 - Underworld: Evolution (Kate Beckinsdale is said to want to turn
her back on Hollywood to return to the London stage. Once she’s found a
play about a high-kicking randy vampire who shoots exploding werewolves
solidly for two hours, that is) $11,100,000

4 - Annapolis (Boxing. Naval Academy. Wrong side of the tracks.
Heartwarming redemption. We’ve just saved you the price of a cinema
ticket. Buy us something nice with it) $7,708,000

5 - Hoodwinked (Hoodwink’s continued tenancy in the US weekend box
office chart proves the enduring popularity of watching fairy tales
retold using shitawful CG) $7,384,000

6 - Brokeback Mountain (Big Momma’s House 2 at number one and
Brokeback Mountain at number 6? Let’s hope that Brokeback Mountain 2
learns from this and features two confused homosexuals embarking on a
sensitive relationship while dressed up as hilarious fat black women)
$6,354,000

7 - Glory Road (An anagram of Glory Road is A Dog Lorry. Frankly, that’s something we’d prefer to watch) $5,163,000

8 - Last Holiday (A website has warned parents against seeing Last
Holiday as it features language such as "Shut up," "Shitty," "Jerk" and
"Sugar." Just writing those words corrupted our brains by a full 43%)
$4,800,000

9 - The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe
(So named because CS Lewis thought that Insufferable Children Twatting
Around In The Snow wasn’t an appropriate title) $4,411,000

10 - The Matador (Sometimes we think that Pierce Brosnan only makes
films these days so he can use the promotional junkets to endlessly
slag off how the James Bond producers screwed him over) $3,843,000

[story by Stuart Heritage]