It’s fair to say McDonalds is in trouble. Last year alone, it’s profits in Britain dropped by almost 75%, probably helped by the release of Super Size Me, telling the story of an odd man who liked to scare doctors by eating McDonalds all the time.
And Eric Schlosser‘s Fast Food Nation – a book even more terrifying than seeing Pat Butcher naked – has been quietly rocking the "have you read that?" circuit for years.
The burger chain has since been responding in increasing desperate ways ever since. And how does hecklerspray feel about this? Well, needless to say – we’re lovin’ it.
Imagine a McDonalds marketing boardroom meeting. Thirty suited
executives sitting around a huge table, looking at a chart of falling
profits. The Hamburgler, looking worried, asks the assembled brains "Any ideas?"
A small voice from the back coughs and says "What about Justin Timberlake going ba-ba-ba?" Hamburgler goes into fits of rapture. It is the single best idea he has ever heard in his fictional life.
According to Advertising Age magazine, urban stars can now
potentially get between $1 and $5 every time a track mentioning
McDonalds gets radio airplay. That might not seem a lot, but here’s a
Jennifer Lopez got to number one in Britain with Get Right. In just one week in January in America, the song was played 2099 times. Now, if J-Lo had changed the title to Get Right To McDonald’s, I Want A Fillet O Fish Extra Value Meal, she could have earned up to $10,495. In a week. That’s more than enough for some specially made trousers to cover up her gigantic arse.
Obviously, this new strategy has caused a lot of anger. Consumer
groups suggest that this is being aimed at children and young
teenagers, a very vulnerable audience already hurt by chronic obesity.
The easiest counter to this is that you didn’t see children running around drunk on cognac after hearing Busta Rhymes‘ Pass The Courvoisier. Well, hecklerspray did. We live in a rough neighbourhood, you see. Those kids are animals. Animals.
The truth is, hip-hop stars already promote all manner of products
in songs. But usually they rap about things like expensive cars,
premium vodka, diamond watches – all status symbols to boast about how
successful they are.
Eating at McDonalds, we’re fairly certain, has never been a
reflection of success. Judging by the people who eat there, it’s
actually a reflection of having really shiny skin, or having three
screaming kids by three different men.
Hecklerspray really hopes this kind of low-rent product placement by megastars works. We’re looking forward to Usher‘s next single, My Baby’s Name is Cillit BANG! and Outkast‘s new concept album about Haribo. Make it happen, people.