Yeah, well done Big Brother – this gimmick of bringing in the housemates’ partners is working a treat, isn’t it?
Remember when Karly‘s boyfriend was brought in, then Karly was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards? Well guess what – Noirin‘s boyfriend was brought into the Big Brother house last week, then Norin was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards. We don’t know what to say – other than that the Big Brother producers should probably get Lisa‘s girlfriend in pronto.
But now Noirin’s gone, here are the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye this week…
Marcus – It’s not really a surprise that Marcus survived eviction last week – after all, he was up against Noirin, and even Pol Pot would probably have a pretty good chance of surviving eviction against her. But now that Noirin has gone, we might start to see signs of the Marcus we know and love again. You know, the one who grimly fixates on a woman and makes every second of her life an uncomfortable nightmare until she’s forced to tell him in no uncertain terms that she isn’t interested in him and he sulks about it for three weeks. Yeah, that’ll be fun. Bea, these next few weeks are going to be awful.
Charlie – Charlie is what people like to call a slow-burn housemate, which is a polite way of saying that he’s cripplingly boring and people only start to notice him after all the interesting housemates get evicted. And this is unfair, because in a true and just world, nobody would ever have to notice Charlie. Ever. Not even if he was the only housemate on Big Brother and he set himself on fire and spent 20 minutes running around in circles slapping at the flames and screaming. Why? Because Charlie’s life is an endless carousel that only involves him overstepping the line of decency and then looking mortified about it for an hour afterwards. He never learns from it either – as soon as he’s stopped being mortified it’s like his brain resets and he goes onto do the exact same thing all over again. Tiresome, Charlie. Tiresome.
David – Bear with us, because this one might take some explaining. We’re starting to think that David has a shot of winning Big Brother. No, no, come back – we have a valid reason for this wild and frankly deranged-sounding claim. Remember Brian Belo? Remember how he had absolutely no sense of social etiquette, constantly spoke in an overbearingly loud monotone and had a frightening preoccupation with cider? Substitute the word ‘cider’ for the words ‘Vivienne Westwood‘ and that’s a perfect description of David. And Brian Belo won Big Brother. So therefore, using the same logic, we can safely say that David is going to win Big Brother this year. And it’ll probably bring about the end of the world.
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