Another week, another set of Big Brother eviction nominations. Ho hum.

Incidentally, does anyone else think that we’re due some fresh blood in the Big Brother house? We’re 29 days into the show already, and the most exciting thing to have happened was when Noirin drew on her own face. This is easily the dullest Big Brother on record, and the best way to liven it up would be to introduce a new housemate. Or a flesh-eating virus. Actually, let’s go with the virus.

Tomorrow will see the Big Brother eviction of either Sree or Halfwit. Let’s take a closer look…

Halfwit – We’ll say one thing for the Big Brother housemates this year. They may not agree on everything. They may not be able to do anything without coming off like a band of clueless dickfaces. In the case of Rodrigo they may not be able to speak out loud ever. But they are determined to get Halfwit out. This is the fourth consecutive week that Halfwit has been nominated for eviction, and it’s probably going to be his fourth consecutive survival. And it’s suddenly become quite enthralling to watch. It’s hard to tell what’s going to break first – the housemates’ gross inability to realise that Halfwit is quite popular with the public, or Halfwit’s psyche. Let’s make this as clear as we absolutely can – we want Halfwit to stay in the Big Brother house. Because that way he’ll be nominated again next week. And then again the week after. And then again the week after that. And then he’ll snap, stab someone in the throat with a pair of kitchen scissors and get lugged off to an institute for the criminally insane for the rest of his life. And isn’t that exactly what Big Brother has been missing all these years?

Sree - It’s a surprise to see that Sree has been nominated for eviction this week. But that’s only because, in a just and fair world, Sree would have been evicted from Big Brother long, long ago. Each year there’s always a housemate who behaves so awfully thanks to their absolute lack of social skills that they end up getting prematurely bullied out of the house. This year that should have been Sree. His treatment of Noirin has bordered on full-on stalking, he’s had inexplicable blow-up after inexplicable blow-up at several of the other housemates and, worst of all, he died his hair orange. Literally orange. What kind of idiot would willingly dye their hair orange, for crying out loud? An untrustworthy idiot, that’s who. Still, there’s no point getting into this too much – Sree is up against Invincible Halfwit and so his eviction is all but guaranteed tomorrow. Tenner says he cries.

Next week – the whole sorry cycle, all over again.

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