This is just a wild punt, but we’re guessing that tomorrow’s Big Brother eviction is going to be the most exciting of the series so far.

Why? Because everybody is up for eviction. The viewers finally have the chance to vote out the Big Brother housemate who annoys them the most, regardless of who’s been nominated. Well, actually that’s not strictly true – what’s actually going to happen is that the viewers have to vote to save their favourite housemate, which means that tomorrow’s evictee will be the housemate who people care the least about. Which, in our case, is everyone.

Let’s look at the three Big Brother housemates who we think are most likely to get booted out tomorrow – Hira, Lisa and Bea…

Hira – If this was a normal Big Brother eviction, where the public votes out the housemate they dislike the most, then Hira would probably be safe. After all, Hira is inoffensive to the point of barely existing – and that’ll be her problem tomorrow. Now that Big Brother viewers are voting to save their favourite housemate, she’s a firm favourite for the push. Because, really now, Hira can’t logically be anyone’s favourite Big Brother housemate – for all that she contributes, she’s basically a particularly stupid chunk of polystyrene. But maybe all’s not lost for Hira; if her family and her husband’s family all pool together and vote to save her then… oh, wait, no – she’s related to her husband, so they share a family, don’t they? That’s Hira effed, then.

Lisa - Lisa’s continued survival in the Big Brother house has bewildered us more than anything else this year. The public can’t really stand her, but the housemates’ determination to never nominate her for eviction has protected her from our wrath. And now we have a chance to boot her out tomorrow. The problem is that Lisa is a Big Brother housemate who people actively dislike, and this week’s ‘vote to save a housemate’ tactic automatically puts the quieter contestants at risk. If the theme for tomorrow’s eviction was ‘vote out the dreary skinhead lesbian who misguidedly assumes that she has a career as a singer’, then Lisa would be out like a shot. But as things stand, she might go on to fight another day. Curses!

Bea – We’re including Bea as a favourite to be evicted from the Big Brother house tomorrow purely because she’s quite new and, unlike fellow newcomer David, she’s not entertainingly thick. But in our heart of hearts, we feel pretty sure that Bea is safe. After all, she’s done what several consecutive nominations couldn’t do – she’s broken Halfwit. She strung him along, turned him into a sort of mid-life crisis pervert version of Ming The Merciless who regularly attends provincial nightclub singles nights, and then bluntly told him that he disgusted her. For doing this alone, Bea is frankly incredible – it makes her a slightly more endearing version of Noirin – and we hope she stays. But would we vote to save her? Of course not. We wouldn’t vote to save any of the Big Brother housemates. We’re not stupid.

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