Big Brother Countdown – 77 Hours To Go
***Big Brother Odds Coming Soon***
There’s only 77 hours to go until the new series of Big Brother starts, and hecklerspray is continuing its countdown, like a man standing outside a locked toilet, counting down until he wees all over the inside of his new suit.
Yesterday we revealed that there’s going to be beer on tap and glass walls in the Big Brother house, an equation to which the only logical outcome is pink pancakes. But we’ll see if that’s true.
What else do you think we have we learnt in the last few hours…?
Davina Speaks – People say she’s too old, people say she’s too skinny, people say she’s confused ‘feisty’ with ’shrieking all the time at everything’, but Davina McCall is never going stop presenting Big Brother. Ever. "They’d have to cut off my right arm and prise the torch forcefully from my hand before I’d give it to anyone", she claims. The nation is suddenly deafened by the sound of a million chainsaws.
Outside Shots Revealed – The first photos of the outside of the Big Brother house have been revealed. It looks a bit like the results of that show where children designed their homes, only without a giant inflatable Mummy-catcher or a carpet made of chocolate. It’s a bit yellow and it’s got a pool. And an outside bog. And that’s about it.
Sky’s Big Brother Highlights – Not really gossip on the new series of Big Brother, but Sky have listed highlights of all the old series, including smug twat Paul saying "I’ve led the life of an international rock star" and meaning it, the fat bloke who looked like Dr Fox legging it and the big fight last year that made viewers call the police.
Watch Big Brother On Your Mobile – This year will be the first time that people can watch Big Brother on their television. Anyone with Orange 3G can pay £10 a month to watch dedicated Big Brother content. They can also watch Celebrity Love Island, although frankly we’d rather watch Incontinent Geriatric Incest Island than that.
Buy Tickets For The Final Eviction Night – Some clever entrepreneur has got hold of two tickets for the final Big Brother eviction night and stuck them on eBay. There’s only five more days left on the auction, and the tickets are already going for £150. So if you’re loaded and want to, like, touch Davina, click the link above and get busy.
Still no sign of Breadhat – Yesterday’s plea to find breadhat fell on deaf ears. If you missed it, a genius turned up to a Big Brother audition with a hat made of bread, and somehow didn’t make it as a housemate. We have these further details – His name is Ben and he lives in Batley in Yorkshire. Are you Breadhat? Do you know Breadhat? Please get in touch: hecklerspray@gmail.com.
We’ll continue to keep you posted with whatever information we find during the countdown to Big Brother. You lucky devils.
Join our Big Brother Betting Club by emailing bigbrotherbetclub@gmail.com.
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[story by Stuart Heritage]
