Question: What’s a Big Brother house without a borderline-deranged angry misogynist and a floppy-haired twonk who meows to himself?

Answer: We’re about to find out now that Victor and Liam have been evicted from the Big Brother Celebrity Hijack house. In a single stroke on Friday, two of the most befuddlingly watchable housemates were wiped out – one because he clearly hated women so much that he made Arthur Schopenhauer look like a cuddly feminist and the other because he fucking meows to himself. How will the Big Brother Celebrity Hijack house cope without Victor and Liam? Oh, don’t pretend that you care.

Nominations got done yesterday, and we’ll let you know about those later in the week, but for now, who’ll win Big Brother Celebrity Hijack? Here are the Big Brother Celebrity Hijack betting odds for Calista, Latoya and Jay, with help from Paddy Power…

Calista – Calista and Anthony have been the big ‘will they, won’t they?’ hit of Big Brother Celebrity Hijack so far. The ‘will they, won’t they’ in question of course referring to whether or not their constant dopey-eyed flirting will cause Calista’s boyfriend to dump her in a lurid tabloid kiss-and-tell story.

It probably won’t happen for three reasons. They are:

1) As far as we’ve been able to tell, Calista’s relationship with Anthony seems to mainly involve keeping him at arm’s length while he yammers on about his feelings.

2) Judging by these Big Brother Celebrity Hijack betting odds, Calista will be evicted soon enough.

3) No fucker watches Big Brother Celebrity Hijack and therefore nobody gives a toss about Calista’s boyfriend anyway. Current Big Brother Celebrity Hijack betting odds – 50/1

Latoya – So it looks like Latoya isn’t completely pointless after all, because last week she managed to wind Victor up almost to the point of violence. Actually, come to think of it, you could probably show Victor a photograph of a pigeon and he’d be wound up almost to the point of violence – but if we let that slip then we’d have one less interesting fact about Latoya to tell you.

And since that’s the only pissing interesting fact about Latoya in the first place, we’ll protect it with our lives. And, yes, this is basically a long-winded way of telling you that Latoya is one boring shithead and her eviction from the Big Brother Celebrity Hijack house can’t come soon enough. Current Big Brother Celebrity Hijack betting odds – 40/1

Jay – Similarly, Jay’s Big Brother Celebrity Hijack betting odds have fallen exponentially as well, and that might have had something to do with last week’s toe-curling ‘I know, let’s be really crazy and improv a fight!’ moment that he was a part of.

Not only was the whole thing the sort of attention-seeking, deliberately inflammatory codswallop that causes people to hate students in the first place, but who uses the word ‘improv’ anyway?

People who deserve to have their teeth knocked out by concrete seagulls, that’s who, and we now include Jay in that. Improv. Bloody improv. Get out of our Big Brother Celebrity Hijack house, you massive twat. Current Big Brother Celebrity Hijack betting odds – 40/1

Tomorrow – Big Brother Celebrity Hijack betting odds for Nathan, Emila and Jeremy. Probably. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Big Brother Celebrity Hijack betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.