If Big Brother is a game of Snakes And Ladders – and it isn't, but shut up anyway – then right now we're in the middle of one of those massive snakes that swallows alligators whole and then explodes its guts all over a redneck farmer.

We blame the new Big Brother housemate influx. After less than three weeks, we were still having trouble working out who most of the original Big Brother housemates were, and then four more crushing nonentities go and get shoved in, making it even harder for us to give a shit about any of them. Anyway, the new Big Brother task is for everyone to swim up and down for ages. Swimming. Woo. Anyway, the latest round of Big Brother nominations took place yesterday, so at least we'll be rid of another one of these ridiculous twattyflaps by the end of the week. At the moment, that's all we've got to cling on to.

But who's going to win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds to win for Billi, Laura, Amanda, Sam, Jonathan and Ziggy, with help from Paddy Power…

Billi - Objectively, there's a lot to dislike about Billi. The slightly stupid way that he spells his name, the haircut. Actually just the way he spells his name and his haircut. We don't want to go on too much about Billi's haircut, but that's mainly because we couldn't be any more enraged about his haircut if he shaved a swastika into his skull. It just sort of sits on his head like comical ink. Anyway, outside of the ridiculous haircut Billi has entrenched himself as a burgeoning Big Brother villain, constantly circling Ziggy and Chanelle looking for an opening. Maybe that's why Billi's Big Brother betting odds are so rubbish, or maybe it's because everyone hates his stupid bastard haircut. Current Big Brother betting odds – 25/1

Laura – Goodness, do we ever feel stupid for thinking that Laura was going to do well at Big Brother. Any opinions we had on that matter were rooted in the assumption that Laura was stupid and innocent, as opposed to stupid and spiteful. Like everyone else, we thought Laura would be a Big Brother housemate in the mould of Glyn from last year – an innocent blundering through a rites of passage. Instead Laura is an innocent who instinctively finds everyone irritating and is prone to long stretches of doing nothing. Apart from being on the end of one of Charley's tantrums, we can't think of anything that Laura has done lately, which isn't saying much, seeing as how Charley could throw a tantrum at a toilet seat if she felt like it. Current Big Brother betting odds – 20/1

Amanda and Sam – Finally, it's happening – the Big Brother twins are starting to move apart in the Big Brother betting odds. Christ alone knows how, because we still wouldn't be able to tell Sam from Amanda if you put a power drill to our heads. We're guessing that Amanda is the least popular Big Brother twin, although – again – we're buggered if we know how anyone worked that out. Perhaps Amanda squealed the word "PINK!" at the top of her voice once more than Sam did, or maybe she's the one who annoyingly can't, like, finish, like, a sentence, you know, without, like, adding all sorts of contrived filler words to, like, all her sentences. Arsed if we know, and if you even care about differentiating between the Big Brother twins at this early stage you deserve to be slapped. Current Big Brother betting odds: AMANDA – 16/1, SAM – 14/1

Jonathan – All young males should be watching Jonathan on Big Brother with a mixture of curiosity and dread. Because Jonathan, don't forget, is a walking, talking mid-life crisis. It doesn't help that Jonathan is a media millionaire – there's nothing like piles of cash and a career in the industry responsible for both Hollyoaks and Heat magazine to make a 49-year-old man think that piercing his ear won't make him look like a massive tosser. It's still a bit early to form an opinion on Jonathan – he's obviously a tosser with a massively high opinion of himself, but he couldn't have become as successful as he is without being a little bit clever. And, as this set of Big Brother housemates prove, cleverness is something that's in short supply. Current Big brother betting odds – 16/1

Ziggy – The arrival of new men in the Big Brother house was always going to have a far more profound effect of Ziggy than anyone else, and all eyes were on him to see how he'd react to the pressure. And, rather than do what everyone expected and become furiously protective of Chanelle, he seems to have rolled over a little bit and almost prodded Chanelle in the direction of any of the new Big Brother boys. So the first Big Brother break-up looks like it's seriously on the cards, and how Ziggy deals with that will be interesting – he's already spent several weeks systematically burning his bridges with the other female housemates, so maybe it's time for Ziggy to do some sucking up. Although not sucking up to his own nipples, which we imagine he's tried to do a thousand times in the past. Current Big Brother betting odds – 12/1

Tomorrow: The Big Brother betting odds for everyone else. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Big Brother betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds… and get a free £10 bet as well!