It’s taken over a month, but Big Brother has started to do what it does best – dividing the Big Brother housemates into squabbling groups of idiots.

This week, you see, is Big Brother‘s Heaven and Hell week, where the Big Brother housemates will be divided up and made to experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Well, OK, maybe not the lowest of lows – they’re hardly likely to be forced to watch Big Brother, are they?

Here are the Big Brother betting odds to win for Stuart, Rex, Lisa, Rachel and Mikey, with help from Paddy Power…

Stuart – Remember when Jennifer was evicted from Big Brother? It seems so long ago, doesn’t it? Anyway, that moment effectively scuppered Stuart’s chances of winning Big Brother because, without an interested female to giggle and flirt and be all like “Ooh, aren’t I such a very pretty man?” with, the poor man’s entered into a crisis of confidence so overpowering that it’d finish off most mere mortals for good. One minute he wants to walk from Big Brother, the next he’s whining in the Diary Room about how everyone probably hates him. To be fair he’s right, but we just wish he’d shut up about it, the stupid orange tit. Current Big Brother betting odds – 33/1

Rex – After surviving his Big Brother eviction against Jennifer, Rex has slowly started to worm his way back into the affections of his fellow Big Brother housemates the only way he knows how – cake. It’s a genius move, really – it’s literally the one thing that sets Rex apart from anyone else. Who would you nominate for eviction, the wanker who bakes you cakes or the wanker who doesn’t? That’s why Rex has got it made. It’s also why Rex doesn’t really have to do anything else in the Big Brother house, like talk or smile or even be partially interesting for just once in his rubbish ginger life. Current Big Brother betting odds – 25/1

Lisa – Goodness, talk about a leap. Ever since Big Brother began, Lisa has consistently been schlepping around the bottom of the pile when it comes to Big Brother betting odds. But now that she’s been unshackled from Mario, we’re actually talking about Lisa on a Tuesday. That’s brilliant – imagine what massive feats she can achieve without Mario around! All that time where she doesn’t have to sit around listening to all his endless passive-aggressive trash-talking can be spent doing things that’ll make her even more popular! Like, um, anything that doesn’t involve her shaving her arms in the bath. Because, actually, that almost made us throw up. Current Big Brother betting odds – 25/1

Rachel – Unlike many of this year’s Big Brother inmates, who are mainly all deathly-dull and arseholes, Rachel is deathly dull and lovely, which explains her constant position at the head of Big Brother‘s second division. People seem to dislike Rachel, but we don’t know why – she literally doesn’t do enough to deserve hatred; or any emotion, for that matter. All she seems to do is wander around the house, flip-flopping between one well-mannered catch-all opinion and another, offending nobody and being nice. It’s boring, yes, but evicting Rachel would be like killing Bambi. Current Big Brother betting odds – 16/1

Mikey – Mikey! The man who was originally the favourite to win Big Brother is now nowhere near the top of the Big Brother betting odds. This is a first, people – a disabled person who might not win Big Brother. Wow, he must really be a bastard. However, don’t be surprised if Mikey takes another sudden lurch towards the top three in the weeks to come – now he hasn’t got Mario constantly smothering him with condescension all the time, perhaps Mikey can flourish and show the world what he’s really made of. Which, if recent days are any example, mostly involves feeling his way around the Big Brother house with a carrot. Weird. Current Big Brother betting odds – 10/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds for Dale, Darnell, Luke and Kat. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.