Paddy Power think Mario (4-9) will be the first to get kicked out of the big Brother house this Friday.

But his annoying girlfriend Lisa could be worth a bet to be the first one to be evicted from the Big Brother house at odds of 18-1.

Her Nine-And-A-Half Weeks performance with her chunky monkey boyfriend in the diary room sealed it for me. I felt quite sick watching her shove those strawberries into his big fat gob. She covered him in cream and chocolate, but not herself in glory.

And can someone please tell me, how can two 40-somethings get so drunk on half a bottle of champagne each?

Oh, weren’t they a wheeze when they came out of the diary room singing Eye of the Tiger and acting like teenagers.

It was like kicking-out time at Starbase*, when I was 15. It was like they’d topped up on White Lightning in the woods before the disco and they were acting drunk at the end of the night because they thought that was how they should act.

Mario crawling out of the diary room on all fours, her leading him out like a out-of-proportion dog. Pathetic!

The daggers from certain housemates told the whole story. Whichever one of those two doesn’t go this week, they’ll surely be up for eviction again next week.

Without Mario in the house, his boyfriend – sorry, I mean girlfriend – will quite possibly crumple and die in a corner. Without her around, he would just be more of a sleaze than he already is.

But there is one more reason I would love to see those lapsed-body builder legs climb the BB stairs back to the outside world on Friday. Her hyena laugh!

That cackle is so irritating, especially when she finishes it off with that grating big scream after one of his shit jokes. It will be a relief when I don’t have to see them together again.

Cringiest moment so far: “He’s going to have to have a shower, Big Brother,” she said, staring into his Rambo-chocolate-marked doe-eyed face with her fluttery and suggestive over-made-up eyes.

Yuck. Pass me the bucket – I’m going to be sick like a teenager outside Starbase. It’s going to be noisy.

It’s down to these two in my mind. Paddy Power are offering Lisa at 18-1, Mario at 13-8 and Steph at 13-8 with Luke, who looks safe for at least another week, at 66-1.

And, while Alexandra continues to crucify herself with those manic and completely nonsensical outbursts, it seems whoever survives may be safe for another week, too.

(*Please note: Starbase was an underage disco in Torquay in the 1980s. Like the rest of the town, it has now been knocked down and replaced with flats.)

Written by Richard Hughes