It’s guaranteed that Big Brother will lose one of its favourites to win this week – Friday’s eviction is between nine housemates.

Although the Big Brother eviction was just meant to be between Dale and Luke, a bunch of other housemates decided to discuss nominations in the form of hopeless football metaphors that even a child could decode. So that means that Dale, Luke, Darnell, Kat, Maysoon, Mohamed, Rachael, Rex and Stuart are all up for Big Brother eviction this week. We’ll be discussing that tomorrow, you lucky dogs.

But today, who’s going to win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Dale, Darnell, Luke and Kat, with help from Paddy Power…

Dale – Although his tenure as head of the Big Brother house was almost totally worthless, it did manage to change Dale’s personality completely. Prior to that, Dale was stuck in a silently lovesick fug over Horrible Jen, but now he actually speaks! Granted, about 85% of everything that Dale ever says is “Fookinell, this is so shit,” but it’s a start. A couple more weeks of this progress and Dale might even be onto fully comprehensible sentences. That’ll be the real test of his mettle, given that the majority of his brainspace is currently used to think nice things about his own hair. Throw ‘coherent speech’ into the mix and he might have an aneurysm. Current Big Brother betting odds – 6/1

Darnell – Never have we ever wanted anyone to fail at anything more than Darnell at Big Brother. It’s not that we dislike him as such – in a social situation, he’d probably last a tiny bit longer than most Big Brother housemates before we lost our shit and tried to strangle him – but he’s taking Big Brother so seriously that it’d be incredible fun to see him chewed up and spat out by the public. The man wants to win so much it’s obscene – his sulky reaction to the news of his nomination last week, followed by the paranoid reflections on his position in the house and gauchely triumphant crowing after he won are testament to that. So let’s get Darnell out now, partly for a laugh and partly so that dreadful Cookie Love song never ever gets played on the radio. Ever. You know we’re right. Current Big Brother betting odds – 11/2

Luke – The sight of Rebecca snogging Mohamed, although it resembled a scene from the forthcoming remake of Species starring only heinously ugly people, will be remembered as one of the most profoundly important moments in Luke’s life. If we’re right about this, it’ll be thought of as the moment when Luke won Big Brother. The look of gut-wrenching misery that flashed across his eyes as Rebecca lunged at Mohamed’s mouth caused a million hearts to break at once up and down the country. And then when Luke said that he felt sick… well, in retrospect that probably had more to do with all the raw eggs he’d been forced to eat, but it still sounded good, didn’t it? That’s why, despite the odds, we’re guessing that Luke will emerge as the winner of this year’s Big Brother. We might be wrong of course – Luke is still is useless twat who annoys the shit out of us, after all. Current Big Brother betting odds – 11/4

Kat – OK, OK, we get it. Kat’s the favourite to win Big Brother. We really wish she wasn’t – with such a tiny amount of development going on inside her cookie-obsessed, perfectly spherical brain, we’ve completely run out of things to say about her. This week Kat ate an egg that tasted bad. Woo! Kat to win and etc. Current Big Brother betting odds – 2/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother eviction betting odds! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.