19 days in the Big Brother house and what’s happened so far? God knows, frankly, but at least we’ve got a lovely suntan.

Oh, we’re just kidding – thanks to the delight of catch-up on demand TV we’re all up to date on the Big Brother shenanigans. There was a mouthy woman who got kicked out, a smug orange man who got put in as her replacement and literally nothing else. Simple. But it’s the start of a new week, and that means it’s time for a fresh new batch of Big Brother betting odds.

So who’ll win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Dennis, Lisa, Sylvia, Mario and Jennifer, with help from Paddy Power …

Dennis – Now this is just a hunch, so don’t quote us on this, but we get the feeling that Dennis might actually be gay. Call us crazy, but for all his steel-jawed masculine silence and almost visible reek of testosterone, we think he’s hiding his true sexuality from us. Anyway, Big Brother usually favours homosexuals – the pink vote traditionally has a huge say in who wins each series – but right now Dennis is the most unpopular Big Brother housemate around. Why? Imagine sitting in a room with him while he belts out Total Eclipse Of The Heart over and over again in his creepily sincere way, interspersing it with weird American-accented spoken-word interludes. How long before you beat him to death with one of his own shoes? That’s right, four seconds. Case closed. Current Big Brother betting odds – 100/1

Lisa – From what we’ve been able to gather, Big Brother has so far been a near-constant parade of clips of that dreadful Alex women starting fights with various inanimate objects, leaving little time for anyone else to get a look-in. So why, then, has Lisa got such horrific Big Brother betting odds at the moment? Well, it might be because she looks like a man, or that she seems fairly happy to let her boyfriend squeeze her spots in front of everyone. Mainly, though, we think that Lisa is getting such short shrift in the Big Brother betting odds because the longer she stays, the more likely it is that she’ll have sex. With Mario. On camera. And the day that happens is the day that our eyes instinctively burst into flames to protect our mind. Current Big Brother betting odds – 100/1

Sylvia – It’s never a good sign when it takes you five minutes of staring blankly into space trying to work out who a Big Brother housemate actually is, but that seems to be everyone’s most common reaction when they hear the name Sylvia. Aside from an early screaming argument with a blind man who happened to be wearing her knickers, Sylvia hasn’t really asserted herself at all in the Big Brother house. Perhaps she’s playing the old ‘play it quiet and end up coming fifth’ game, but it’s certainly no way to win Big Brother. Or maybe she’s got another gameplan up her sleeve. Let’s hope so, because anything that stops her bleating on about the traumatic civil war that forced her out of her own country can only be a good thing, eh? Eh? Current Big Brother betting odds – 80/1

Mario – He might looks like a kebab-meat sculpture of Sylvester Stallone, but Mario is undoubtedly a good person. That’s unquestionably true, because of the way he looks after Mikey. After all, everyone knows that the best way to care for the blind is to constantly patronise them while never letting them forget their own disability, and that’s precisely what Mario’s been doing. Easily one of the most cluelessly narcissistic fartwipes in Big Brother history, Mario’s mission to make sure everyone sees him as a friendly, intrinsically wise scallywag has failed with everyone in the Big Brother house, everyone who watches Big Brother and everyone else on the face of the Earth living or dead. But he still thinks he’s doing OK, so that’s something. Current Big Brother betting odds – 80/1

Jennifer – Things we hate about Big Brother, numbers 44 and 45: when a Big Brother housemate makes an incendiary intro tape and then piffs away into vapour as soon as they enter the house, and when people are so desperate for 30 seconds of recognition that they’ll ditch their own kids to go on Big Brother. Sadly Jennifer is guilty of both of these – on her way into the house, Jennifer came off as a mental right-wing anti-immigrant crackpot but then, faced with some actual immigrants, Jennifer retreated into a cycle of meek household chores and going all moony over Dale at the drop of a hat. Hey, look Jennifer’s 22-month-old daughter – Mummy’s about to kiss a thick stranger with tongues! Yay! Current Big Brother betting odds – 40/1

Tomorrow – Big Brother betting odds for Mohamed, Dale, Rex, Stuart and Rebecca. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.