You can tell a lot about Big Brother housemates by the simple things they do. By being on Big Brother, for instance, you can kind of tell that they’re all hopeless spackwads.
But how they act about being nominated is another pretty good indicator. Take Mohamed and Sylvia, for example. When Mohamed realised he was facing eviction, he was all smiles and hugs and warmth. However, Sylvia took a different path on hearing the news, basically going “Wergh wergh wergh wergh wergh,” at an uncomfortable pitch for about seven hours. Who’ll go? We’ll tell you tomorrow.
But for now, who’ll win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Rachel, Darnell, Mikey, Luke and Kathreya, with help from Paddy Power…
Rachel – Her incessant yip-yip-yipping about absolutely nothing aside, Rachel might just be the most normal Big Brother housemate of the year. And by ‘normal’ we clearly mean ‘devoid of any obvious gimmicks other than a slightly bulbous forehead’. She seems quite down to earth and intelligent and nice and everything, but since when have any of those made anyone qualified to be a Big Brother housemate? She’s not disabled, she doesn’t have a comically low sense of self-awareness, it’s rubbish. Seriously, Rachel had better be a secret arse amputee or a robot controlled by a squirrel waggling joysticks in her head, because this is just dull. Current Big Brother betting odds – 14/1
Darnell – Really Big Brother? You’re playing the old ‘black American almost-blind albino from Swindon’ card again? Boring! How many times do you expect to get away with that one? It’s just lazy, that’s what it is. Actually, condition aside, there doesn’t seem to be that much to Darnell. He’s been in prison, we hear, and he says things like “Hot damn!” in inappropriate places a lot, but otherwise Darnell has been desperately trying to blend into the crowd in the slightly upsetting way that nobody who’ll ever be able to can. And it looks like he’s in the running to win Big Brother, too. Maybe we should should develop a conspicuous skin disorder too, then we’ll end up coming fourth on a crappy reality TV show as well! Current Big Brother betting odds – 9/1
Mikey – So there’s Darnell (partially sighted and fourth favourite to win Big Brother) and then there’s Mikey (completely blind and third favourite to win Big Brother). See the pattern here? The more blind you are, the better chance you have of winning Big Brother. Luke‘s second favourite to win – maybe it’ll turn out that his eyes are actually marbles rolling around in empty sockets. It’d make sense. Anyway, we’re straying from discussing Mikey’s personality here because we know arse-all about it – any time Mikey looks like he’s about to get interesting, Mario barges in and shouts “He’s DISABLED! You people are bastards! AREN’T THEY, MIKEY?” like the great big fleshy cockhole that he is. Maybe when Mario is evicted from Big Brother we’ll start to see the real Mikey. It’d be funny if he turned out to be a dick, wouldn’t it. Current Big Brother betting odds – 5/1
Luke – Here’s a turn-up. Second into the Big Brother house, Luke looked like a bit of a joke – a friendless wimp who’d flounder and drown within weeks. And now here he is, the second favourite to win Big Brother. That’s probably because, once the initial shock of a stick-thin child acting like a desperate 50-year-old used car salesman wore off, Luke proved himself to be effortlessly likeable. Plus he’s a bit pathetic, and we all like to root for an underdog, don’t we? Even though technically, since he’s second-favourite to win, Luke isn’t an underdog. Technically Mario’s the underdog. Maybe we should all root for him instead. Actually, no, fuck that. Current Big Brother betting odds – 11/4
Kathreya – So it’s Kathreya who’s going to win Big Brother, then. That sounds about right – because she likes cookies and when she sees a cookie she shouts the word ‘cookie’ and she says ‘hilarious’ in a funny way and she spells out words that she’s just learnt and she’s fat. It’s a similar tactic that they use to choose Popes, you know. Anyway, although she’s plainly a big adorable bucket of concentrated joy, it’d be nice to see Kathreya go through another emotion. Just once. Even if it’s mild disgruntlement and it lasts for three seconds. Because that way at least she’d seem slightly more human, rather than a product of the nightmares that toddlers have when they’ve ingested too much Haribo. Current Big Brother betting odds – 2/1
Tomorrow: Big Brother eviction betting odds! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.
Maria says
Kat is not real. There is no was such a person can exist in this world. She thinks people are bad stealing food, someone tell her about suicide bombers. She says she has been to Uni and yet she cannot even pronounce the word. Hirarious.
Gilbert Wham says
It’s university, for fuck’s sake