The Big Brother housemates have spoken – Jennifer and Rex are the housemates nominated for eviction. It’s smudger Vs smudgee, dull Vs borderline hysterical, idiot Vs, um, idiot.

Who’ll be evicted? It’s so hard to decide, isn’t it, because both Jen and Rex bring so much to the Big Brother table. If Jennifer gets evicted the Big Brother house will be far less catty and spiteful, while if Rex goes it’ll be less… we dunno, ginger? It’s a close call, that’s for sure.

Eviction odds tomorrow, but for now here are the Big Brother betting odds to win for Rachel, Mikey, Luke, Darnell and Kat, with help from Paddy Power…

Rachel – Rachel’s a difficult Big Brother housemate to get a proper handle on, probably because she doesn’t seem to have any trace of personality yet. Throw Rachel into an argument and she’ll never actually express an opinion on anything – she’ll just try and placate everyone by radiating peace beams from her slightly-too-large forehead. However, last week Rachel did come close to showing a trace of her true colours when she clattered off a treadmill during rehearsals for the OK Go task, slightly hurt one of her fingers, and more or less acted like she’d been stabbed in the eye with a dirty Sarin syringe. And that, kids, is the most interesting thing that Rachel has done, possibly ever. Current Big Brother betting odds – 12/1

Mikey – We have a question – what’s happened to lovely blind Mikey, the opening day favourite to win Big Brother? He’s disappeared lately, to be replaced with either completely anonymous Mikey or worryingly creepy Mikey. Unless Mikey decides to do something pretty drastic sharpish, he’ll lose his residual blindness pity and he’ll stand no chance at all of winning Big Brother. Incidentally, you know how Mikey describes himself as a stand-up comedian? We met someone last week who’s seen him perform. Apparently he’s shit. Current Big Brother betting odds – 9/1

Luke – Here’s a fun game for people who watch Big Brother all the time but are increasingly growing to despise it, if any of them exist apart from us – it’s the Luke’s exaggerated opinion drinking game. You see, Luke’s a little light on actual opinion about stuff, so he likes to sit on the peripheries of conversations, wait until he’s caught wind of which direction it’s going in and then wade in with a confusingly pumped-up opinion of his own. Like when Lisa was complaining that Rex only cooks spaghetti with pesto, Luke shouted “We want to eat English food! Not pasto!” Anyway, the game is to drink every time Luke does something like that. Play it for long enough and you’ll be hammered. It takes away the pain of watching Big Brother, honest. Current Big Brother betting odds – 7/1

Darnell – Really? Darnell’s now second favourite to win Big Brother? Why? Seriously, why? We think it might because of his Brian Belo-style oversimplistic reaction to everything. For instance, rather than engaging in a reasoned debate after the spitting incident last week, Darnell ran into the Big Brother bedroom and screamed at everyone until he almost collapsed from the strain. He had a point, but he expressed himself in the same way that a child would. An angry, disturbed child. For another instance, when Darnell was in the Big Brother prison he started to feel horny. So he attempted to hump the prison bars. Plus, you know, every now and again he’ll bellow “Cash muh-NEE!” at nobody in particular. And who doesn’t love that? Current Big Brother betting odds – 5/1

Kat – Obviously Kat’s the favourite to win Big Brother. In a week when everything inside the Big Brother house is slowly turning darker and darker, Kat’s still there monomanically shouting about cookies like a technicolour cartoon ballerina hippo. And long may it continue – although Big Brother housemates always carp on about the ‘journey’ they’ve been on, we don’t want Kat to go on any kind of journey whatsoever. We want her to stay exactly how she is. Honestly, we’ll like her a lot less if she ever starts to display anything as boring as normal human behaviour. Current Big Brother betting odds – Evens

Tomorrow – Big Brother eviction betting odds. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.