Here it is: the moment that literally nobody in the country was looking forward to, but will look back on in 20 years time with some sort of imagined happy nostalgia – the start of Big Brother 7.

Last night, Endemol rounded up the country's 14 most self-consciously wacky idiots – the ones that weren't good enough to be in any Big Brother series over the last six years – and stuffed them into the eye-melting Big Brother house, where some of them will spend the next 13 weeks. 13 weeks? You get the same amount of time in prison for swearing at a bus driver, although you come out of that with less opportunities to make rubbish fitness DVDs.

So, the Big Brother housemates entering the Big Brother house last night. Who are these people and which one of them is going to eventually win Big Brother? We'll be giving you daily Big Brother betting odds updates over the next three months, but here are the first night's Big Brother betting odds, with help from PaddyPower.com…

Bonnie – Basically a monotoned, small-town, potbellied pikey with a fright mask. Bonnie is clearly going to be peddling the 'not as pretty or clever or tough as she thinks' angle and, despite promising to make Davina "flick her bean," she got booed all the way into the Big Brother house. Current Big Brother betting odds – 16/1

Pete – Yay for exploiting the mentally ill! Pete is a man who has Tourettes, and obviously thinks it's deeply hilarious. Which, frankly, it is. We didn't know that having Tourettes made you dress like a wanker, but it apparently does. So long as Pete stays endearingly mentally ill and not dangerously mentally ill, Pete might have a shot at winning Big Brother. After all, how can you not love a man who compulsively yells "wankers" and giggles? Current Big Brother betting odds – 7/1

George – George is the Big Brother token posho. He hunts! He shoots! He had sex in the sea once and thinks he's the King Of All Sex as a result! He's related to a Duke! He's – ominously – a totally unreserved homophobe! Ladies and gentlemen, your Big Brother villain has arrived and, boy oh boy, is he ever slappable! Current Big Brother betting odds – 9/1

Shabaz – Shabaz is a self-proclaimed "Paki poof" who enjoys knitting and being all flamboyant and jumping around and shrieking that. He's heard all the insults in the world, but still likes to get his arse out and pretend to lick his boobs. Should get on well with George in the Big Brother house, then. Current Big Brother betting odds – 8/1

Lea – Lea is 35, which seems a bit old to whore yourself out on a rubbish TV show, wouldn't you say? Entirely reconstructed from the contents of a Toys R Us defects bin, Lea has a massive set of tits and looks a bit like cartoon of a transvestite prostitute. She's already slagging off the audience, so we can't really see her winning Big Brother. She was bullied as a kid, but now somehow thinks that getting her bazzers out on the telly will be good for her young son, who she is "doing this for." Current Big Brother betting odds – 20/1

Imogen – Every Big Brother needs a self-obsessed, naturally pretty girl to make all the other female Big Brother housemates catty and vicious, and that's Imogen all over. She's Welsh and she's got a degree, but she only ever talks about how pretty she is. She also made Tourettes Pete whistle uncontrollably… Current Big Brother betting odds – 9/1

Mikey – The self-loving Jack-The-Lad chauvinist with indie hair. Mikey loves women, but not feminists who he hates and is terminally unfaithful too. Mikey also hates trannies and gays, so it's only natural that we fully expect him to have a giant homosexual orgy with George before Big Brother is out. Current Big Brother betting odds – 9/1

Dawn – Could we be on for the first Big Brother suicide? Dawn has never been in love, hates having friends and generally complains about hating life. We've seen Dawn's kind before – she'll crack in a week, a fortnight, tops. Or, judging by her happy "doo doo doo"ing on the way into the Big Brother house, she won't. This one could be worth watching. Current Big Brother betting odds – 25/1

Glyn – Glyn is a lifeguard. Glyn occasionally takes his clothes off. These two things, and these two things alone, are what substitutes for having a personality in Glyn's world. Current Big Brother betting odds – 9/1

Richard – Ladies and gentleman, we have found this year's predatory homosexual! Richard is either a 'sexual terrorist' or a 'waiter', depending on if you believe his mouth or his CV. Genetically designed to annoy George and Mikey, Richard is also Canadian, which makes him duller than a booklet of concrete grading. Current Big Brother betting odds – 10/1

Grace – Celebrity Love Island called: they want their Lady Isabella Hervey back. She's a 2D loaded London It Girl 'party girl' wannabe who has vowed never ever to get her boobs out. We give it a week before desperation sets in and the Big Brother audience sees her nipples. Current Big Brother betting odds – 12/1

Lisa – Big Brother, as far as we know, has never had a chainsmoking female Chinese Chuckle Brother who talks so loudly and often that she has actually made herself deaf in the process. Well guess what? It does now. She apparently sewed up a girls toes once. We're not too big to admit we're scared of her. Current Big Brother betting odds – 8/1

Sezer – Sezer is the Big Brother City Boy, and is as loud and self-involved as you'd probably expect from that description. Sezer obviously has a very high opinion of himself and so – we'd imagine – would Alan Sugar. But this is Big Brother, not The Apprentice, and can Sezer do enough to stand out from all the other preening shouting fuckwits in the Big Brother house? Time will tell. Current Big Brother betting odds – 7/1

Nicky – You don't know Nicky yet, but she'll very clearly be on the cover of Nuts by the middle of August. Nicky is a promo girl – which is code for 'not quite pretty enough to be a model but still quite slaggy'. She dressed up as a bunny girl to enter the Big Brother house. She wants to marry a Premiership footballer. She loves being naked. She adheres to every single promo girl stereotype you could ever wish for. But, weirdly, she might know one of the Big Brother housemates, so we'll look out for that development. Current Big Brother betting odds – 12/1

So there we go – at the moment you just know them as 14 anonymous, needy, hateful, approval-seeking arseholes, but over the next few weeks, you'll get to know their names and then begin to clutch the Big Brother housemates to your hearts just like always. And then laugh at them in the autumn for still thinking they're famous. Just like always.

And we'll be there with you every step of the way with all the latest Big Brother betting odds, helped by PaddyPower. Starting later, that is, after we've had a bit of a lie down.

[story by Stuart Heritage]