For the first time in this season of Big Brother we’ve got a three-way scrap for eviction – like a sexual three-way, only much more interminable and featuring far uglier people.

Darnell, Mohamed and Rebecca all face the Big Brother chop this week, and we’re guessing that the results of the public vote will be extraordinarily tight. That’s because only three people actually still watch Big Brother these days, and they all like different housemates. Well, two of them do – the third one only watches Big Brother as a sort of mental self-harming punishment exercise. They’re weird, that third one.

Anyway, who’s being evicted from Big Brother tomorrow? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for the eviction of Darnell and Mohamed, with help from Paddy Power…

Darnell - It’s no surprise that Darnell was plonked up for eviction this week. As head of the Big Brother house, Darnell managed to make Robert Mugabe look like the picture of moderate diplomacy – hardly a second went by without him abusing his power in a ridiculously pointless manner. Our particular favourite moment of Darnell madness came when he ordered Sara to make him some dinner, mumbled “Yeah, you fucking bitch” again and again under his breath until it was ready, then ignored it, sunk his head into his hands and howled with anguish. It was excellent – and just like watching the rise and fall of the Roman Empire. In fast forward. On a broken TV that shows everything in negative. Anyway, don’t expect to see Darnell evicted from Big Brother tomorrow – he might be worryingly close to having a paranoid-fuelled mental breakdown, but at least he doesn’t get his tits out all the time like a grotty old shitbag. Current Big Brother betting odds – 12/1

Mohamed – We’re slightly stunned that Mohamed picked up so many Big Brother nominations this week. That’s because we were under the impression that, to get nominations, the other housemates have to actually remember you exist. And Mohamed, let’s not forget, probably has less personality than any other Big Brother housemate in history. Honestly, we’ve had to stop three times this paragraph and remind ourselves who Mohamed actually is. But being freakishly dull might work in Mohamed’s favour. Both Darnell and Rebecca have done more to catch the attention of Big Brother viewers, which means that they’ll be more likely to pick up votes. That’s not meant as anything even vaguely approaching a compliment, though – insects have more personality than Mohamed. Tupperware has more personality than Mohamed. The second-smallest toenail on our left foot has more personality than Mohamed. Actually, it really has. It’s a wanker, that toenail. Current Big Brother betting odds – 10/3

Tomorrow – Big Brother betting odds for Rebecca’s eviction. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.