Big Brother usually has a theme – whether it's 'evil' Big Brother, 'jail' Big Brother or 'bone-crushingly dull' Big Brother – but this year's Big Brother theme seems to be 'an overcrowded branch of Claire's Accessories on a Saturday half-term lunchtime'.
Big Brother 2007 is here, folks, and there's not a man in sight. Last night 11 women of varying levels of awfulness became the latest set of Big Brother housemates, and all of them want to earn £100,000 by staying in a brightly-coloured rabbit hutch with a gang of people they've been psychologically predestined to not get along with. And to make matters worse, the fridge is in the flipping garden! That's just crazy!
Over the course of the next three and a bit months we'll be here every day churning out the very latest Big Brother betting odds – but placing a Big Brother bet right now might not be such a bad idea, since the odds haven't had chance to settle down yet, so a little bet now could pay off bigtime by the end of the summer.
So anyway, here's the first part of our Big Brother betting odds – for Sam, Amanda, Leslie, Charley, Tracey and Chanelle – with Big Brother betting odds from Paddy Power…
Sam & Amanda – Just what Big Brother needs, a pair of incomprehensible, constantly babbling Scouse twins. Sam and Amanda (don't bother trying to tell them apart yet – we doubt that their parents even can) love pink fluffy things and giggling and saying the exact same thing simultaneously. Well, not 'saying.' Shrieking is probably closer. They're basically both Liverpudlian Paris Hilton cartoons, and you can guarantee that by October Sam & Amanda will be in a topless photoshoot for Nuts where they push they stand tit-to-tit and pout. Unless one of the other Big Brother housemates decapitates either of them just to shut them up, that is. Current Big Brother betting odds – 25/1 each
Leslie – We've always been under the assumption that Big Brother has been crying out for more alarmingly stern-looking 60-year-old retired headhunters who class Prince Charles as a personal friend. Fortunately enough that's exactly what Leslie is. Leslie apparently used to be a stand-up comedian, a vocation she probably gave up the moment that people realised that terminal illnesses were funnier than she was. Could Leslie be the new Derek Laud? Or maybe the new other generic older women who go onto Big Brother and are instantly forgotten about. Who the hell knows. Current Big Brother betting odds – 33/1
Charley – According to Davina McCall, Charley's name is pronounced "Churrley" although she might have just been taking the piss. Charley is the long-rumoured Big Brother housemate who's related to a Premiership footballer, so you basically already know what she's going to be like. Failing that, the fact that she calls herself a "South East London it girl" and actually uses the word "celeb" in everyday conversation should give you a better idea. Not as funny, pretty or clever as she thinks she is, Charley is the sort of gravel-voiced moron who'd list 'socialising' as an interest on her CV. Fortunately the Big Brother crowd latched onto this instantly and booed their little lungs out. Current Big Brother betting odds – 33/1
Tracey – If there was a dictionary definition for the term 'geezer bird' then Tracey would fit it perfectly. To paraphrase Jarvis Cocker, it would appear that Tracey left a part of her brain somewhere in a field during the late 1980s. We haven't been able to figure out if Tracey was picked for Big Brother because she's just like Sweary Pete from last year or because she's just like Maxwell from the year before. It's hard to get a handle on Tracey this far in, because all she really manages to do is blurt out a constant stream of meaningless burnt-out rave nonsense like "Cheesy quaver, proper buzzin, proper mental." Tracey has promised that when she's evicted from Big Brother she'll be naked. We didn't know that blackmail was allowed on Big Brother. Current Big Brother betting odds – 12/1
Chanelle – Chanelle, at first glance, appears to be the obligatory Big Brother housemate who's slightly pretty but has such a thundering lack of personality that she makes most household soft furnishings look like Peter Ustinov. However, Chanelle has at least recognised this and tried to make up for it by trying to be Victoria Beckham. Actually trying to be her. Chanelle owns all the jeans that Victoria Beckham designed, all the perfume she endorses and all of the other cash-in crap that we assumed only idiots went in for, as well as partially looking like her, so long as you saw Chanelle in the dark after someone's just blinded you with a stick. But once Chanelle gets herself a pair of grotesquely disproportionate fake boobs, the transformation will be complete. Current Big Brother betting odds – 28/1
Tomorrow – The Big Brother betting odds for the other half of this 14-week hen-night. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Big Brother betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.
Hurley says
Yay! I’ve been looking forward to the hecklerspray big bro write-ups more than big bro itself. Keep it up
King Jimbo says
The Big Brother betting odds are pure iconic Hecklerspray. Glad to see it’s that time of the year again.
Gilbert Wham says
All women you say? In that case, we’re going to see someone rather like tle Late Great Ollie Read in his performance on the Late Show with Germaine Greer and Shere Hite &c a few years ago – if you saw it, you know what I mean – as a ‘surprise’ housemate shortly. Or a fulminatingly angry Wahabist, that’d work too.