Big Brother Betting Odds: Mikey To Win?

Splitting Big Brother into heaven and hell seems to have done the trick - we haven’t heard this much whinging from the Big Brother housemates since, dunno, three days ago or something.

The latest fate to befall the Big Brother housemates trapped in hell is that they have to peel a great big pile of onions if they want to nominate anyone this week. Obviously this task was designed to make the housemates smell funny and cry, which is ironic because - thanks to the way we crap ourselves and weep every time we have to watch Big Brother - we know exactly how they feel.

Who’ll win Big Brother? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Lisa, Rachel, Stuart, Rex and Mikey, with help from Paddy Power…

Lisa - Lisa has been inside the Big Brother house without Mario for over a week now, and she’s reacted in the way that all women do when they’ve been separated from their slightly controlling partner - by dressing up in a bin bag and shrieking “Spray me bum! Spray me bum!” to a man with a water pistol like she’s at the very worst kind of hen party on Earth. That alone would be enough to want Lisa overboard, but what really got our goat about her last week was the way that she comforted Belinda after she spazzed out about riding a bicycle for a short amount of time. If you didn’t see it, it was like a masterclass in passive-aggressive behaviour - “Yeah, I know how you feel, I felt exactly the same… when I ran all those marathons,” she cooed. Isn’t being offensively condescending a breach of Big Brother rules? Or is it Davina McCall’s job. Anyway, out please. Current Big Brother betting odds - 33/1

Rachel - At this rate, Rachel is going to go down in history as the Big Brother housemate who’s got the furthest without ever expressing an opinion about anything. This perpetual fence-sitting means that Rachel is the centre of calm constantly permeating from the core of the Big Brother house, but we do worry that one day someone is going to put two sandwiches in front of Rachel, tell her that she can only eat one and sit back while her skull actually explodes from all the indecision. Anyway, this week in the Big Brother house, Rachel… oh who are we kidding, Rachel didn’t do anything. It’s Rachel, for god’s sake. Current Big Brother betting odds - 25/1

Stuart - Being in the hell side of the Big Brother house, as he was last week, had a bit of a weird effect on Stuart. For one thing it meant that he’s starting to look slightly less orange, and for another it turned him into a great big blubbering girl of the highest order. Fair enough, Stuart was crying because he missed his daughter, but applying to appear in a three month-long reality TV show where you’re cut off from society completely probably isn’t the smartest move for someone who loves their five-year-old daughter. Also, bursting into tears because you entered Big Brother to prove to the world that you’re basically a good person? What kind of needy clueless wanker does that? Please get Stuart out. Get him out, throw him in a car and drive the car into a pit. Please. Current Big Brother betting odds - 18/1

Rex - We received something horrific last week. Something so unsettling that the feeling of queasiness has only just subsided. It was, and this is giving us the creeps just thinking about it, a comment in support of Rex. The man has fans, people. Time to retreat to the bunker until the threat of infection has passed, we think. Actually, we’re being a little bit hard on Rex - right now he seems to be the only Big Brother housemate aware that Big Brother is a game, and his constant haranguing of everyone else in the house is a glorious reminder of that. Don’t get us wrong - we don’t like Rex - but given the chance of watching him argue with people for the sake of it or watching Mohamed argue with people because he’s the worst kind of professional victim, we’d have to go with Rex. Current Big Brother betting odds - 14/1

Mikey - Since he’s blind, it’s only natural that Mikey’s other senses have been heightened to compensate. Not any of his obvious senses, mind you - he can’t hear or smell better than anyone else - but he can act like a ferocious dick more effectively than the rest of his Big Brother housemates put together. Being a dick is a sense, right? Anyway, now that Mario isn’t around to coddle him into outer space, Mikey has filled the time by whining relentlessly about everything - the shopping list, the amount of sleep he gets, anything else that happens to ambiently pass through his head. First Pete and now Mikey - we’re starting to suspect that Big Brother is on some sort of secret ‘all disabled people are bastards’ campaign. Current Big Brother betting odds - 11/1

Tomorrow: Big Brother betting odds to win for Dale, Darnell, Luke and Kat. But if that’s too long to wait - or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with - head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.