In what will no doubt prove to be an almighty blunder, Big Brother XI ? the gripping final series ? has rather stupidly gone up against a World Cup. It's a bit like attempting to celebrate your 21st birthday on the day that Princess Diana died. How do we know that? Don't ask questions, we just do.
It was not a good day for celebrations.
Anyway, we're something like a week in now, and this series looks set to go down in history as the sixth or seventh finest yet. Who will go tomorrow? Who will win? Read on to find out.
The first eviction finds an all-female head-to-head-to-head between Shabby, Rachael and Sunshine. A hunch suggests that Shabby will go.
With regards to the other two, Big Brother has pulled the clever trick of removing all focus from Sunshine since the nominations were aired, meaning that instinctive voters won't have anything to go on, and those who found her abominable during the first few days will have been suitably distracted by Shabby?s stupid hats, and her weird voice that sounds like it really should belong to someone at least twenty years her senior.
Rachael ? the beggar?s version of Beyonce ? would have been immediately discarded had the eviction been staged at the very moment that she entered the house, but her inability to handle the fact that no-one appears to want to have it off with her might yet garner her a twisted sympathy vote. It suggests the possibility of an inner journey towards humility, which viewers will find thrilling. Plus, there is the very slim chance that one of her rows with John James ? the world's most serious Australian ? could escalate into a full shag. If there's a potential love story going, people will want to see it unfold.
All of which leads to Shabby?s demise. Rather confusingly, for a woman who squats in houses with mobs of highly irritating trustafarians in real life, she has struggled with communal living. And her bad reaction to getting nominated will not have gone down well with the trigger happy voters. Hence, for being a bit weird, brash, a bit too much of a lesbian, and dressing like an extra in Oliver!, She'll be toast.
As for the rest of them, there is still a long way to go. So far, the series looks set to be defined by a curious ongoing sexual ambivalence, which finds most of the house not entirely sure whether they're gay or not. Pretty soon it'll be boy on boy, girl on girl. Girl to boy, to girl, to girl, to boy. Then John James might start mindlessly rubbing himself against Rachael in a moment of weakness.
Great stuff. Milkmaid to win!
This was a guest blog by Josh Burt from Glorious Interestment
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