Hey, good news if you enjoy watching workout DVDs fronted by staggeringly anonymous young women who look a bit Addams Familyish – Rachel Rice won Big Brother on Friday.

Oh, don’t try looking at us blankly like that. Rachel Rice! From Big Brother! You know, the one that wasn’t blind. Or an albino. Or ginger. Or gay. Or pretend-Italian. Or the pretend-Italian’s girlfriend. Or from Thailand. Or Somalia. Or Australia. Or a single mother. Or a Lynx model. Or fat and naked. You know, the one left over.

Rachel Rice’s Big Brother victory was a sharp reminder that sometimes nice girls do finish first. True, they’re forgotten about in seconds and their hopes of maximising on their brief moment in the spotlight are virtually nonexistent and you’ll never ever hear from them ever again, but, um, we’ve forgotten what our point was. And who won Big Brother, come to think of it.

Big Brother is all about the journey. When Nadia won Big Brother in 2004, it was because the nation had slowly come to accept her as a person rather than a transsexual. When Brian won Big Brother in 2001, it was because the nation accepted that he was a person rather than a cartoon of a gay man. When Pete won Big Brother in 2006, it was because the nation got swept up in the romance between him and Nikki, and also because the nation is probably a bit dim.

And now Rachel Rice is the winner of Big Brother because, um, because the nation mostly forgot that Big Brother was still on and the few Welsh people who own both a telephone and a TV are absurdly patriotic. Or something.

To be fair, Rachel’s Big Brother experience hasn’t been all that much of a journey – she started off as nice, dull, hopelessly oblivious housemate and she ended up as the exact same thing, albeit one who had a bit of a cry in the middle because Rex thought she was boring.

Actually we shouldn’t do Rachel’s achievements down – looking at the five housemates left for the Big Brother final, Rachel was always going to win. Sara couldn’t win because she only entered the show halfway through. Rex couldn’t win because he’s an awful ginger bastard. Mikey couldn’t win because of that time he ate loads of chewed-up sprouts mixed up with tea. And Darnell couldn’t win because the emotional intensity of winning Big Brother would have probably set him off on a terrifying killing spree.

And that left Rachel – a woman so astoundingly dull that the best two clips Big Brother’s Little Brother could find of her involved organising a trip to the supermarket and counting some caterpillars.

So, now that she’s a Big Brother winner, what next for Rachel Rice? Well, she’s already talking about posing naked for a photographer, which we’re sure will go down a treat with the fans of niche ‘pleasant-seeming girls with big foreheads looking about as erotic as a three-day-old loaf of bread’ pornography.

And, aside from that, the sky’s the limit – maybe she’ll become an occasional guest spot as a spoon reviewer on Lorraine Kelly or the launch of a fragrance that reflects her personality by basically being some tap water in a squirty bottle.

Attagirl, Rachel.