Big Brother 11 hasn’t exactly set the world alight. It’s even got to the point where the housemates can’t even be bother staying in there with loads of ‘em bunking off for faux-emotional reasons or, in the case of Laura, leaving because she’s a soft-arse. Those left in the house have been left to revert to some childlike state.

Sadly, this doesn’t mean they’re all weeping and dribbling down their tops with jam tarts stuck in their hair. Alas, this arrested development is thanks to a task as Big Brother has asked them to have fun for as long as they possibly can and transformed the house into a children’s playground (which of course, you can see on the highlights show, tonight, 2nd August, 10pm Channel 4).

Oh dear. Forced fun. Sounds like a work’s do. Presumably Big Brother wants them to either end up fighting or getting off with each other in the disabled toilets.

So what ‘fun’ with they be having? Well, there’s the See-Saw, Slide, Hopscotch, Roundabout, Bouncing Bugs and the ominous sounding Endurance “Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes”.

Of course, there’s a carrot dangled in their face which, in this case, means a giant mystery present in the garden. The individual housemate who manages to use their chosen activity the longest will win this mystery prize.

It sounds a bit like a precursor for the new Saw film.

The prize? It’s a voucher (not for somewhere crap like John Menzies) entitling the winner to a “Sumptuous Arabian Night For Two In The Love Nest”.

Elsewhere, John James and Josie woke up telling each other that they love one another (which is probably something more akin to Stockholm Syndrome). Sam, meanwhile, who see himself as something of a prankster, gets pwned by BB who get round to giving him his suitcase… only, they’ve filled it with daft clothes. One to look out for is a pink velour tracksuit.

Of course, everyone suddenly decides that he can’t possibly be straight. He then gives Josie a lap dance.

Jesus on stilts. Looks like we’ve got an irritating younger brother type in the house folks. How bloody wonderful and refreshing that is.

I KNOW A SONG THAT’LL GET ON YOUR NERVES, GET ON YOUR NERVES…

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