Bez: Bankrupt Again

A word to our younger readers - you’re probably not going to get too rich from being a boggle-eyed dancer for a touring nostalgia band.

That’s smart advice, but it’s a bit too late for Bez from Happy Mondays. Bez has just been declared bankrupt, you see. For the second time in four years.

This bankruptcy will be worse for Bez than the first time though - he memorably managed to claw his way out of debt last time by winning Celebrity Big Brother. But there aren’t really any reality TV shows for Bez to bail himself out with this time. True, there’s that Oliver Twist talent contest, but there’s only room for one odd-looking, boggly-eyed weirdo there, and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s got that all sewn up.

Bez is something of a cultural icon - think of Madchester and you’ll immediately think of Bez’s scrawny frame twisting itself into all sorts of berserk shapes on stage with Happy Mondays - but being a cultural icon doesn’t pay the bills. Well, OK, it does pay the bills, but not if you’re a financially immature bloke who twists melons for a living.

Bez knows this because it’s happened to him twice now - he’s just been declared bankrupt for the second time in four years. The first time it happened was in August 2004, after which he managed to beat off destitution by winning Celebrity Big Brother the following year. That was a much-needed boost for Bez - he didn’t just gain the financial means to pay off his bills, but he also discovered that the British public liked him slightly more than Kenzie out of Blazin Squad, something that would brighten anyone up.

But it’s all come round again - the High Court has declared Bez bankrupt for a second time. Nobody is quite sure why - although being a 43-year-old dancer in a band that can’t even excite its original fans any more might have something to do with it - but that isn’t stopping those close to him from making fart jokes about it, as The Sun reports:

Bez – real name Mark Berry – is expecting his third child this year with singer Monica Ward. Court papers described him as a journalist and musician living in Chorlton, Manchester. The dancer was unavailable for comment last night. He was thought to be touring with Monica and band Domino Bones. A pal said: “Bez does what Bez wants. Trying to catch him is like trying to catch the wind.”

So now you can probably expect to see Bez all over your TV in the near future, as he tries to recoup his losses by appearing on as many reality TV shows as he can manage. Shame there’s not a show called Britain’s Got A Stupid Nickname And Weird Staring Eyes That Spook Children Out, because he’d have it in the bag.

Read more:

Bez bankrupt for second time - The Sun