I was just about to sit down and write a blog about how Scott Disick is up to his old dog ways (I will get to that) when the BREAKING NEWS hit that Beyoncé is having not one, BUT TWO, babies!
Just when you thought nothing good was going to happen in America anytime soon, Beyoncé takes to Instagram to inform us that two new Messiahs are on their way! PRAISE THA LORD!
Beyoncé posted the above pic to Instagram with the following caption:
We would like to share our love and happiness. We have ben blessed two times over. We are incredibly grateful that our family will be growing by two, and we thank you for your well wishes. – The Carters.
I honestly cannot decide which pregnancy announcement I like more: when she was pregnant with Blue and revealed her baby bump on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards, or this Instagram pic of a veiled Beyoncé in her underwear in front of a funeral wreath. Is she supposed to be like mother nature or something? Also, she’s Beyoncé, can’t she afford a matching bra and underwear set?
You know what? No, I don’t care. I don’t care about how silly I find this picture because I’m just happy to have some good news in my newsfeed for once this damn year. So far it’s been like: MUSLIM BAN, CUTTING ABORTION FUNDING, CABINET OF EVIL, AHHHHH, so it’s refreshing to hear something like “Beyoncé happily pregnant, was clearly fucking with us all with Lemonade, but get that money and that semen, girl!”
Anyway, I’m wishing Beyoncé and Jay-Z all the best because babies are magical like 75% of the time. The other 25% they’re like shitting in the tub and stuff. I say this as someone who’s toddler shit in the tub last night and hid her Kylie Jenner lip klit this morning. Calling it a “lip klit” was a typo, but it stays because it’s funny.