In news that will shock all right-thinking people, and leave the Beckhams kicking themselves that they didn't think of it first, Beyonce and Jay-Z are attempting to trademark their baby?s name, Blue Ivy.
we're not sure if we're allowed to even write ?Blue Ivy? without giving them some sort of remuneration, actually?
Following two unsuccessful attempts by money-grubbing opportunists to trademark Blue Ivy, the ludicrous couple have filed a patent application with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office to protect it, in the process managing to look really, really arrogant and a bit mental.
This patent furore is proof positive that they still, one month on, think that Blue Ivy is a good name, rather than the stripper-endorsed-detergent fuckstorm that it clearly is.
We were unsure of the bloody point of this whole ridiculous faff, until some random family law expert who has absolutely no connection to the Beyonc?Jays piped up on MTV (of all bloody places):
?Seeking the trademark forestalls competitors from using the child’s name and or third parties from attempting to sell the baby’s name back to the couple. They are likely trying to protect what they rightfully own or created, shall we say, by trademarking Blue Ivy’s name.?
See! It's not mental or weird to brand your baby! It's just a totally reasonable action, as long as you believe that having mixed up your sperm?n?egg cocktail and made a person grants you ownership not only over them, but over random, dreadful, clunking couplings of words.
In the spirit of the Beyonc?Jays? flagrant madness, we?d like to announce that we are pre-emptively trademarking these names, for any future lovechildren that may emerge from the hecklerspray loins after we're done huddling together for warmth:
- Bum Twaddle
- Green Flange
- Edna Deathray.
- Masonic Groatherder
- Elongated Gusset
- Extension Plug Waffler
- Sneaky Toothexplosion
- Barkquis HundredHandSlap
- Kenny Flymo
- Clodhopper P. Kneesupport
- James Parker
Outstanding idea, thanks, Beyonc?Jays!