We’ve literally spent months dreaming about becoming Miss Teen Louisiana USA, so we can’t tell you how miffed we are at Lindsey Evans.

Not only did 18-year-old Lindsey Evans snatch the title of Miss Teen Louisiana USA from under our noses – we knew we should have shaved our bum for the swimsuit round! – but she’s also gone and squandered it by allegedly running away from a restaurant without paying, and getting dethroned as Miss Teen Louisiana USA as a result.

It’s a shocking development. After all, everyone knows that beauty queens only get dethroned when they act like gigantic sluts and take naked pretend-lesbian photos of themselves for the internet. True, police did find a small bag of marijuana in Lindsey Evans’ possession, but that hardly makes up for anything. What we’re basically saying is that Lindsey Evans should be more of a slutty lesbian. And possibly invest in a dildo.

There’s never been a worse time to be a beauty queen. The economic downturn has bred widespread public resentment bordering on violent towards anyone whose sole job involves literally wearing a crown all the time and waving condescendingly at poor people, but that’s not all.

No, also the internet and the general atrophying of western civilisation means it’s getting easier and easier to catch the beauty queens out. Take Tara Conner, for example, the Miss USA who couldn’t stop drunkenly shagging piles of drugs or something. Or Katie Rees, the former Miss Nevada USA who took photos of herself biting a girl’s nipple and then allegedly kicked a policeman.

And now we can add Miss Teen Louisiana USA Lindsey Evans to that list of outlawed beauty queens. Lindsey Evans’ alleged crime is perhaps the worst of all – she ran out of a restaurant without paying. A really fancy restaurant, too, because between her and three other friends the bill came to a whopping $46. The New York Post reports:

A Bayou beauty queen and her pals skipped out on a bill, but the reigning Miss Teen Louisiana USA left her purse – and a baggie of pot – behind, police said yesterday… Jennifer Martin, 22, who was among the busted bad girls, said Evans actually left cash for her share of the bill and the other three were ready to pay with debit cards. “The service was so slow, we just said, ’screw it’ and left,” Martin told The Post tonight.

It’s too late for excuses – that mixture of soft drug possession and food-based tomfoolery has caused the Miss Teen Louisiana bigwigs to intervene and dethrone Lindsey Evans for good.

This news has completely knocked us for six. After all, this is a young woman who won a title based solely on how closely her genes arbitrarily happened to adhere to an outmoded set of patriarchal values we’re talking about here! We thought those girls were supposed to be smart!

But, hey, let’s take whatever positive we can get from this. True, Lindsey Evans might have lost her Miss Teen Louisiana USA title, but it’s taught us a valuable lesson. If Lindsey Evans is the prettiest girl in Louisiana, and Lindsey Evans looks like a papier mache sculpture of an albino Wednesday Addams, then we’re probably not going to bother looking for a wife in Louisiana.