Batman Vs Superman - The Movie

The world is split into three types of people. The ones that want to be Superman , and the ones that want to be Batman . And everyone else. You know, the ones that aren’t twelve year-old boys.

But what if we told you that there’s going to be a Batman Vs Superman movie coming soon?

Comic book knicker-wetters are currently backwards with excitement
about the resurrection of both franchises. Batman Begins is out in
June, and Superman Returns will be released next year.

Both movies are being made in an effort to reverse the sheer
crappiness of their last respective outings. 1987’s Superman 4: The
Quest For Peace was a hamfisted anti-nuclear statement. The statement
seemed to be ‘Don’t throw Superman’s hair into the sun, or else a
baddie will come and destroy earth’. If it’s a metaphor, hecklerspray’s still trying to work it out.

The fact that it looked like was made for 50p didn’t help, either.
OK, you can’t afford to film in New York, but to choose Milton Keynes
as a replacement?

The Batman movies suffered for exactly the opposite reason. It ran
out of messages, and threw money at big-name moviestars to make up for
a lack of story.

The last two films alone featured Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim
Carrey, Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma
Thurman, amongst others. All drowning in a sea of pantomime campiness.

So now, the studios are attempting to undo the past. Batman Begins
is, we’re told, a gritty return to the feel of the original comics, and
Superman Returns… well, it’s too early to say. Kevin Spacey will be
Lex Luthor, but his name isn’t the promise of quality that it used to
be. Only time will tell.

Aint It Cool News reports that some kind of sci-fi nerd saw Christian Bale, the new Batman, in an airport. The nerd writes,

"I said Hi, got an autograph, wished him luck with Batman (asked me
if I was going to see it - like, duh) and I said I hoped he’s back for
Batman again. ‘Two more actually, and then Brandon Routh, the new
Superman, and I, are doing Batman vs. Superman as a movie’".

So,
Batman Vs Superman. Probably not a great idea. Look at Alien Vs
Predator, for the love of God. Although maybe if this new film is a
success, people will want to make more ‘Vs’ movies.

Maybe Harry from When Harry Met Sally Vs Tom Hanks from You’ve Got Mail, fighting for the love of Meg Ryan.

Or Requiem For A Dream Vs Leaving Las Vegas: aka Booze And Hookers Vs Smack And Double-Ended Dildos.

What do you think? What vs movies would like to see?

hecklerspray wants to be Batman far more than we want to be Superman, by the way. Superman’s a fairy.

[story by Stuart Heritage]