Michael Caine hasn’t smacked a gypsy on the head with a shovel? Morgan Freeman hasn’t accidentally fallen down a lift shaft? Good, then that really is the end of interminable Dark Knight hype. So let’s start hyping up Batman 3 instead, then.
Although nobody knows for sure who the Batman 3 villain will be, Catwoman is emerging as a fan favourite, for some completely unknown reason. And Angelina Jolie seems to be the frontrunner to play her. That’s not just berserk internet lust talking – definitive 1960s Catwoman Julie Newmar seems to think she’d be a good fit, too. Still, if that falls through there’s always Kerry Katona. Or death. Let’s go with death.
With The Dark Knight storming past all kinds of box office records at the moment, it’s become clear that topping it will be an insanely difficult job for Christopher Nolan. Surely the only way to make Batman 3 longer or more depressing than The Dark Knight would be to make it about a leukemia patient choking on his own vomit in slow motion for six solid hours.
So perhaps Christopher Nolan should try a different tack for the follow-up. Maybe he could make Batman 3 happier, by having The Joker return as an actual joker who dances round giving balloon animals to children and making everyone jolly. And there’s always the Bat-Nipples. Never forget the Bat-Nipples.
Of course, Christopher Nolan’s easiest escape route would be to shove Catwoman into Batman 3 and hope that there are enough creepy men around to go and see it for no other reason than because they’re perverts. After all, if people have been going crazy because The Dark Knight has giant IMAX footage of a bank robbery, imagine how crazy they’ll go if Batman 3 has giant IMAX footage of Catwoman’s vulva outlined through a rubber catsuit.
Yes yes, we know that there are reports suggesting that Catwoman won’t be in Batman 3, but we’re not so sure. Especially now that Angelina Jolie is reportedly interested in the role.
Julie Newmar – the greatest Catwoman ever according to everyone who isn’t an idiot – has come forward as saying that Angelina Jolie would be the best choice to play Catwoman in Batman 3, and she’s even gone as far as to suggest that Angelina is already lobbying for the part. According to the New York Daily News:
“Angelina would own the part. My industry friends tell me [she] has made inquiries about the role… I can understand how it would pique her interest. Catwoman is Batman’s one true love. She’s tremendously popular with women because she’s both a heroine and a villainess.”
That’s great. True, all we’ve got to go on is the blithely-spoken word of a 74-year-old who hasn’t been Catwoman for 40 years, but a little thing like that won’t stop us getting excited. Especially since Christopher Nolan’s fondness for real-life explanations for the Batman world would mean that Angelina Jolie would probably have to play a Catwoman with some kind of serious psychological condition. Mental illness is sexy!
However, we’re only prepared to accept Angelina Jolie as Catwoman in Batman 3 so long as our new hero, French police spokeswoman Olivia Poupot, can also be cast as Commissioner Gordon‘s brilliantly dismissive European sidekick. She’s already fairly incredible at being bored by Angelina Jolie, you see.