Bart Simpson Now Pimping Out Scientology
For those of you who worry that it’s not as funny as it used to be, relax - The Simpsons has just got hilarious.
Bart Simpson has started actively promoting Scientology! Genius! If that’s not up there with Cape Feare and “If it isn’t my old friend Mr McGregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg” then we’ll be buggered. Bart Simpson? Urging people by phone to attend Scientology events? LOL!!
Hang on, that isn’t Bart Simpson? That’s Nancy Cartwright using Bart Simpson’s voice as a geniune, real-life Scientology promotional tool? Why, that’s considerably less funny.
You know what winds us up more than anything? Cool Scientologists. Don’t people realise that Scientology is the religion for celebrity bellends and nobody else? That’s why Tom Cruise is a Scientologist. And Kirstie Alley. And that annoying rasping midget from The King Of Queens. Scientology suits them because they’re all bellends.
But Beck? Isaac Hayes? That bloke from My Name Is Earl (before My Name Is Earl got rubbish)? That’s not good – we sort of like some stuff that those men have intermittently done. But there is no Scientologist on the face of the Earth more disappointing than Bart Simpson.
OK, not Bart Simpson per se – Nancy Cartwright, the actress responsible for Bart Simpson’s voice is the Scientologist. Which is completely fine – if we were a 51-year-old woman who’d spent the last two decades pretending to be a little boy, we’d probably start believing in evil aliens who packed people into jumbo jets millions of years ago, dropped them into volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs as well – so long as she doesn’t, you know, drag Bart Simpson into any of this.
Because, frankly, Bart Simpson has been used to sell enough as it is. Having Bart Simpson T-shirts, air fresheners, bumper stickers, keyrings, dolls and underwear shoved down our throats is bad enough, but a Bart Simpson-endorsed cultish pseudo-religion based on the writings of a tenth-rate sci-fi novelist might just be a step too far.
Which is a shame, because Nancy Cartwright has gone and done it anyway. E! Online reports on the weird Scientology robocalls that Nancy Cartwright has been recording:
[Nancy] advertises her current auditing level—new OT VII—and invites recipients of the message to the church’s Flag World Tour event Jan. 31 in Hollywood, at which Cartwright is scheduled to speak… The message begins with her saying, “Yo, what’s happenin’ man, this is Bart Simpson. Haha. Just kidding, don’t hang up, this is Nancy Cartwright… It’s gonna be a blast, man,” she teases, sounding like Bart again.
Videos of this call were all over YouTube until recently, until Fox yanked them all off citing breach of copyright. So if posting a video of an unofficial Bart Simpson telephone message is breach of copyright, then it’ll be interesting to see how much Fox considers the act of recording an unofficial Bart Simpson telephone call to be breach of contract.
Because, really, Nancy Cartwright desperately promoting her silly little religion by using the voice of Bart Simpson doesn’t exactly strike us as being particularly ethical. In fact, we’d go further than that – you’d have to be a complete nimrod to sign up to Scientology on the basis of a crappy Bart Simpson telephone message.
Now, Ralph Wiggum – different story. We’d literally bum Xenu silly for a message from Ralph Wiggum.
Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard while he was still sane told his son
“You know how to get rich… start a religion.” admitting that Scientology is nothing but a fictionally created story.
Scientology is nothing but a corporation that thrives off the ignorance of it’s followers by selling them and whoever else books, and courses on how to “improve” themselves spiritually.
One of their expensive scams is that they will sell you for extremely large
amounts of money a series of books that in the end are supposed to teach you how to walk through walls…. and after spending long hours of self deceptive meditation, a lot of money, and reading you become brainwashed to believe that you can actually walk through walls and when you try to and end up bumping your nose against the wall you are told that you couldn’t do it because you’re not ready yet however there are more books and courses available that will someday make it possible for you to do so for larger amounts of money butt not really.
Scientology = manipulative corporate scam brainwashing moneybaggers club
Scientologist = manipulated misguided fool
I know someone who got sucked into Scientology, I didn’t know he was a Scientologist until one day, about 4 years ago, he said “Rob here’s a book you should read.” He passed me Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. I laughed and said “L. Con Flubbfart ha forget it.” For the first time in the years since I’ve known the guy he displayed anger and I’m talking very angry!!! Verbally with an agressive face.
After that display he went on to talk about the ability to walk through walls, he hasn’t reached that level but he plans on getting there etc…
I’ve also heard of that course from an ex-Scientologist and neither of them know each other
Here’s a website that describes some of the unusual deaths of Scientology members
http://www.whyaretheydead.net/
Here’s an interview with L. Ron. Hubbards’ son
http://www.rickross.com/reference/scientology/scien240.html
There must be 50 ways to leave your Scientology master
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
and get yourself free
It’s a fucking pyramid scheme for celebs with spirals-for-eyes, that’s what it is.
I wish I could piss through the letterbox of the Dianetics Information Centre in the wee hours after clubbing – without CCTV nation here dumping me in the chokey for doing the only sensible thing a man with a full bladder can do when confronted with Scientology. Especially now that the bastards don’t even feel the need to pretend not to be Scientologists any more.
I also wish they’d go on holiday for a month giving a chap the opportunity to break in, dial the Istanbul Speaking Clock and leave the phone off the hook. If everyone did that we might bankrupt them in, say, 90 years.
“Would you like a free personality test?” is the question asked in the street.
“About as much as I’d like to eat a plate full of rancid rats’ cocks and used needles.” is my automatic, sensible response.
My family is now vchipped against Bart Simpson, which is a real shame because my kids love the show. That being said, so are most of the television sets in my neighborhood as of noon today. We parents had a meeting over coffee and have decided that it would be best if we no longer watch The Simpsons until the show’s producers decide that it is time to clean up their own house.
We neither want nor will tolerate Scientology in our homes in ANY way. Not Bijou Phillips or Tom Cruise on “The View” trying to act normal while telling the world he knows medicine better than doctors do. Celebrity isn’t a license to push madness on children, and we’re going to protect ours. We’re on the agenda for the next PTA meeting, and will be discussing this matter and Scientology / Applied Scholastics / Narcanon / Volunteer Minsters who show up at disasters like 9/11, Katrina, and every other horrid thing you can think of to exploit tragedy.
We realize if something bad happened here, those horrible vultures might well show up. Our community is going to be prepared now, thanks to Ms. Cartwright. Bart Simpson crossing over to promote a group like Scientology was just too dangerous for us to do nothing. Protect yourself and your families; get the facts about why a rational parent would come on a website and say such strange things about something that seems so small and trivial.
These people want to absolutely DESTROY the psychiatry, psychology, and social work professions. They want an end to mental healthcare as we know it and to substitute their own special brand of insanity instead, justifying it in a way that translates to “if we’re all insane together, in the same way (WITH EMETERS and burying critical thinking!!), then that’ll be great!”
Madness… sheer madness. Get informed.
word on the street has it that old Nanc gave scientology $10M last year, but alas only $1M this year. Guess she figured she better make up the shortfall in unapproved copyright infringement shilling for the cult.
Guess scientology doesn’t make people smart, or funny for that matter.
paging MG/Fox: hey mon hire yourself another voice actor, I’m sure there are a few around who could handle the assignment, I promise I’ll buy a stupid Bart doll if ya do.
I can’t help but wonder, what with the credit crunch and all and people generally frowning upon wasteful spending, does Scientology have a future? Seeing as the only way in is to be obscenely rich? I can see the Time mag article already: “Economic meltdown claims unlikely victims: Over-paid, over-smug, over-crazy cunts who’d rather believe in made-up story than actual reality, trying desperately to cling on to grossly misguided beliefs: now bankrupt.” Money makes the world go around, indeed. Post-Irony, anyone?
I am not a Scientologist, repeat I am not a Scientologist.
You’re all kind of freaking me out though, with your anti-scientology stuff. It seems like a very strange system of beliefs, I’ll give you that but having neighborhood meetings about not tolerating Scientology in any form seems a little Hitler-y to me.
What year is it again? 2009? Right…how’s about a little tolerance here people? Concerned you say your name is? hmm…you’re coming off a little more irrationally paranoid than concerned. Might want to work on that.
I sort of understand the idea of tolerance in regards to Scientology. After all, most religions were founded by a total lunatic. And there are lots of televangelists who scam money out of the faithful.
But tolerance is one thing, embracing a group that you consider to be a pack of dangerous, litigious, con-artists is another entirely. And trying to shut down a “religion” based on cash-for-salvation by closing their wallets is probably the least fascist way to go about it. Not sure about the pissing on their stuff angle.
Personally, I just have to wonder about any group that wants all the crazies to go off their meds. I don’t think I shall be joining that organization.
@Snapper Winsten
I’m not a big fan of Scientology critics but why does Scientology and L Ron Hubbard say it’s okay
to dispose of 2% of the world’s population, “quietly and without sorrow”? Doesn’t that sound a little Hitleresque to you?
That “personality test” approach is brilliant. What kind of people would respond to it? People who are [a] easily led [b] ignorant of Scientology and [c] vaguely unhappy with their inner self. Good candidates for brainwashing.
Imagine the cost of bringing random people in off the street and interviewing them to find the ones with those qualities! But the Scientologists pick them up for free, pre-screened by one simple question!
who brought up hitler already? twat.
and how come he never gets any of your infinite tolerance? ITS 2009 PEOPLE!!!
some things/people do not qualify for tolerance or understanding. Scamming, brainwashing, emotional rape, and gigadeath crimes are some of these things.
Nancy C. pimping her celebrity for Scientology is of particular irony, since Bart Simpson is the last cartoon character on earth who would fall for the craptastic scam that is Scientology.
But a Scientologist can’t see this, because the hypnosis money-scam that is Scientology, has effectively replaced part of her brain with cantaloupe.
Snapper Winsten … L Ron Hubbard came up with a tonescale for $cientology he, and now all scientologists, believed anyone under 2.0 on sed tonescale, (Homosexuals, Mentally retarded, Insane, People who speak out critically against scientology) should be “DISPOSED OF QUIETLY AND WITHOUT SORROW”… that sounds a LOT Hitler-y to me .. how about you?
BTW there are two groups of Scientologists.. FreeZone Sci’s (FZ) who don’t charge ridiculous money for it NOR do they practice disconnection or Fair Game OR Dead Agenting amongst other Co$ (”Church” of Scintology)practices… No one protests them OR their beliefs.. THEN you have Co$… a business organization posing as a religion grasping for influence and power.. They are totalitarianistic in every way. DO some research. There is a reason parents don’t want their kids anywhere near $cientology. Because people who join have a knack for not speaking to members of their families and former friends after they join and get indoctrinated.. JUST because something proclaims itself a religion doesn’t mean it should be respected OR treated as one… What’s next?? The Coca Cola Corp proclaiming they “worship at the feet of 13 secret flavors”?
Fox hires voices to make derogatory statements about the voice’s religion. And one of its voices quits! Then, another of its voices, makes a recording USING THEIR VOICE and Fox goes bat shoot. What is good for the Fox is bad for the Foxhole? Hahaha, just kidding guys.