Only in Holland can one stand in a windmill next to several policemen dressed as monsters & clowns, and watch a one-legged prostitute in a wooden clog feed her 11-month-old John-baby a de-crusted cocaine sandwich, free of all legal repercussion and woe. Seriously – we actually saw that once.

Well, we didn't see it so much as we drew a picture of it in a grade-school art class. Our teacher changed after that, as did our curriculum. Nonetheless, Holland is a different country. Not only does the Hollish language sound silly & trite, but the whole country likes really strange entertainment too.

In America to entice viewers, television gives out civilised prizes like millions of dollars, love, & several greasy humpings from Flavor Flav. In Holland that's all old hat. That's why their game show prizes are things like – the ability to not die, the power to keep living, & not having to be killed by your poor medical condition because you handled yourself well in the physical challenge.

Basically, there's three contestants with failing kidneys & a terminally ill prize-holder. You can figure it out from there.

Dutch television is such a powerful medium that Eddie Murphy used it to tell the world Mel B might be a skank-ho. The genre also has crazy reality TV – the most recent of which gives the prize of continuing life to the winner. As a brilliant entertainment blog put it like a paragraph ago:

"Basically, there's three contestants with failing kidneys & a terminally ill prize-holder. You can figure it out from there."

Oh – you read that right. Three people (contestants) have failing kidneys, and may just die on a transplant list. A terminally ill show participant will have the power to give life after she dies. As BBC News put it:

"The 37-year-old donor, identified only as Lisa, will make her choice based on the contestants' history, profile and conversation with their family and friends."

The show is called De Grote Donor Show which in Netherlandish for The Big Donor Show. The 'O' in the word 'Show' is shaped like a kidney. De Grote Donor Show is made by the same people who created Big Brother, and premieres on Friday. The whole country's not on the edge of their seat waiting for Friday night. Tons of them hate the idea. One such hater said:

"The set up of the programme bears no relationship to the way decisions are made about transplants in the real world. Living donors can choose altruistically to give one of their kidneys – usually to a family member. If organs become available after someone dies, health professionals with access to detailed information about those waiting for a transplant make objective decisions about who should receive those particular kidneys."

We think the kidneys should just be awarded to the best singer. 

That would truly be best for global DNA.

Read More:

'Big Brother' Kidney Show Condemned – Sky News

By the by, click here for the sickest picture you'll see all day. We almost used it for the story, but we kept almost puking.