Barbara Walters Prefers Rosie O’Donnell To Donald Trump

Donald Trump is a real go-getter of a man; when something gets in his way he'll holler and repeatedly jab his finger at it until it goes away, but it's starting to look like Rosie O'Donnell will need more than a finger to shift her - she's got backup.

In the latest round of the brilliantly petty squabble between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell about how you should treat a slapper properly, Rosie O'Donnell's boss on The View Barbara Walters has stepped in and sided with Rosie. If any British people want to get a feel of the true magnitude of this event, imagine Jane McDonald from The Cruise having a fight with Alan Sugar and then being helped out by the big-nosed Scottish lady from Loose Women, because that's the best equivalent we have. We're through the looking glass here people, or at least we would be if we actually knew what that phrase properly meant.

There are two things, and two things alone, that we'd move to America for. One is the funny way they mispronounce the word "herb" there and the other is The View. If you want to see Danny DeVito gurgling vomit while trying to drunkenly describe what it's like having sex with the woman from Cheers in the White House - and then get lauded as a genuine hero for doing it - you watch The View. And if you want to watch a slightly overweight lesbian get in a fight with a belligerent wufty-haired billionaire about drug-taking beauty queens, well The View is good for that too.

You'll remember that last month crony-firing Apprentice star Donald Trump got wind of the fact that his Miss USA winner Tara Conner was a boozy nymphomaniac with a drug problem, and he quickly had to decide whether to fire her or not. Eventually Donald Trump chose to keep Tara Conner on as Miss USA, which enraged confusing blogger and star of The View Rosie O'Donnell, because Trump - in her own words:

"Left the first wife, had an affair, left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but he's the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America. Donald, sit and spin, my friend. This is not a self-made man. I just think he's a hot bag of wind, frankly, with bad hair."

To which Donald Trump brilliantly responded:

"Rosie O'Donnell is disgusting, both inside and out. You take a look at her, she's a slob. She talks like a truck driver. I loved [the failure of O'Donnell's talk show and magazine], I gloat over it, I think it's wonderful because I like to see bad people fail. Rosie failed, I'm happy about it."

And now The View bigwig Barbara Walters has waded in on the increasingly petty exchange. Yesterday on The View Donald Trump's lawyers made Barbara Walters read a pre-prepared statement saying that Donald Trump had never been bankrupt like Rosie O'Donnell said he was, and it must have got her back up, because now Barbara is standing behind Rosie completely, telling viewers:

"I have never regretted, nor do I now, the hiring of Rosie O'Donnell… She has brought a new vitality to this show and the ratings prove it."

But The New York Daily News got hold of Donald Trump, who replied in traditionally courteous manner:

"That's not what Barbara told me on a telephone conversation last week. She knows what she told me, but I fully understand why Barbara has no choice but to say what she said… Ratings are up because of me. The ratings are up a little bit, from their worst year, and the only reason ratings are up because of her attack dog attacking people. The difference is those people never fought back."

What does all of this mean? Arsed if we know. Seriously.

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