Badvertising is a semi-regular hecklerspray feature where we take a current advert showing on British television and tear it to pieces for sport – and by the love of Christ are we ever kicking off with a doozy. Ladies and gentlemen – the Dulco Ease ad.
If there's one thing that girls like, it's Sex And The City. In Sex And The City, all sorts of dumpy women from around the world watched four women – a slag, a bitter ginger woman, a half-woman half-horse hybrid and another one – sit around a coffee shop table and discuss having it off and shoes and stuff. Sex And The City was popular because girls like talking about sex and shoes. They don't like, say, sitting around a coffee shop table talking about all the rock-hard shards of impacted shit jutting into the side of their bowels all the time. Someone probably should have pointed this out to whoever made the Dulco Ease advert.
Dulco Ease is a product that you gobble down when you can't shit. But instead of Dulco Ease advertising itself the normal way – for instance, a grinning rake-thin man saying "I took Dulco Ease when I was constipated and it made be gush out a hot jet of liquid shit so violently that my toilet has been completely obliterated" – the Dulco Ease advert imagines a weird parallel universe where cosmopolitan women can show each other how urbane they are by openly discussing the amount of uncomfortably solid fecal matter that's wedged up their arses.
In the Dulco Ease advert, the Cynthia Nixon strides back from the toilet and loudly tells the Kim Cattrell that there are all sorts of diamond-hard crap-daggers poking into her guts. Luckily Kim has just the answer – Dulco Ease – and she discreetly informs Cynthia about this by waving a giant box of Dulco Ease around the cafe like some kind of hyperventilating pensioner in a nitrous oxide-filled bingo hall.
A quick "men are a bit like constipated shit-husks" joke – Sex And The City, remember – and the Dulco Ease advert is over, leaving the viewer to pick up the pieces of their now-tattered life. We don't even know if Dulco Ease is very good – we've got Bobby Brown's telephone number, so we guess we'd never need to bother with it.
Video courtesy of tellyAds
Pedro says
Perfect – this advert annoys the shit out of me (maybe that was the point…)
James says
What a shit advert.
Ian says
This is a truly terrible advert. You’re clearly not alone in thinking it either:
http://tvs-worst-adverts.co.uk/dulco-ease/
Keith Doughnut says
I’ve heard a rumour that football pundit Mark Lawrenson is lined up to make a new Dulcoease advert. He claims that his agent is negotiating the lead role in the new male version of the adverts. Lawrenson is more famous for making “bad smells” than his football career at Preston North End.