The continual travesty in commercial production that is the Elephant.co.uk television advertising campaign continues to puzzle scientists and UK consumers alike.

Featuring what appears to be a pretentious loser and a man dressed in an elephant’s costume, hecklerspray wonders whether the creative strategy was the result of some form of primary school competition…

The question on everyone’s lips is: “What swinish production company is responsible for this?”. Seriously, who the hell came up with this idea? It has to be kids, right?

Maybe the same kids that presumably dreamt up the link between astrology and colour preference (for vehicles), as outlined in this elephant press release. Virgos DO like red, you bastards, especially when it is the Ferrari rosso variant. Which makes this astral news as dubious as the average horoscope.

So, the elephant ad… let’s consider the probable budget; maybe something like fifty pounds per commercial according to these production standards. Breakdown: a tenner for the guy, fifteen for the elephant, twenty for renting out someone’s living room to shoot it in, and ah yes, let us not forget a fiver for the yellow screen backdrop to mesh it all in nicely. Money well spent? No. This is terrible.

Worse still, and to the amazement of many intellectual types, this ‘original’ idea has spawned into more than one commercial, proving the age-old Icelandic maxim to be 100% accurate: "Original does not always equal Good".

So we have something worse than that goddamned Gold Blendesque series. But who says that crap commercials are not as likely to entice clients as good ones? Well, we do, for starters, and we’re experts at this sort of thing.

Note to reader: knowing that advertising often sparks the subconscious to act impulsively we implore you to be careful – avoid jumping off the ledge, rioting, looting or any other behaviour brought on by this sort of passive cultural terrorism.

The best bit comes with the knowledge that an agency would have had to pitch to win this account. And the winning pitch must have included that whole fucked-up-and-twisted ‘elephant costume idea’. Boy, we’d have loved to have been in on that one. Whoever sold it is a certified business development genius.

The ad itself is a sort of re-enactment of a really bad panto play starring some idiot from a previous Big Brother, wearing an animal suit. As a youth, hecklerspray had a deep mistrust of anybody that appeared in panto.

Given that insurance is recognised as a ‘grudge purchase’ by insurance industry heavyweights (and they often are), you have to wonder why elephant would possibly want to inflict this grudgeworthy celluloid detritus on us all.

Word to the wise at elephant.co.uk: stop paying for these crap ideas.

Stop inflicting this shite on the UK’s already beleagured television viewers.

Even if it does only cost £50.

For the love of God.

Please.

What TV ads do you hate? Which is the most loathesome campaign on the box? The weirdest? The sharpest? Your comments below…