BAD MUSIC: Ringo Starr, Liverpool 8

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January 25th, 2008 at 11:00 by Stuart Heritage

Yes, we know we've already used the video to Ringo Starr's new single Liverpool 8 in another post, but it's so awful we've become obsessed with it. Actually obsessed, like that bloke from Zodiac.

Seriously, just watch Liverpool 8. It's so completely, utterly, unspeakably terrible that we're not even sure a human being could be responsible for it, let alone Ringo Starr. Everything about Liverpool 8 is horrific, from the tune to the vocals to the preposterously banal lyrics. Liverpool 8 is so bad that past civilisations would have put Ringo Starr to death for making it.

You get a sense of just how woeful Liverpool 8's going to be from the moment that Ringo blathers "I was a sailor first/ I sailed the sea," just to clarify what sailors actually do for those who maybe thought they varnished fossils for a living.

And then it gets worse. Liverpool 8, you see, is basically The History Of The Beatles By Ringo Starr. And what insights do we get from one of the two remaining people on Earth with first-hand experience of what it was like to be in the biggest band in history? "We were number one/ Man it was fun," that's what. So that's that cleared up for eternity, then.

Liverpool 8 might make Octopus's Garden look like Dostoevsky, but once you've listened to it 20 times in a row just to get a handle on precisely how moronic it is, something odd happens. Liverpool 8 stops being horrible and becomes… well, not good - we aren't idiots - but touching.

It's like listening to a song by Forrest Gump looking back on his life - yes, it's so simplistic that a six-year-old would be kept back a few years at school for writing it, but the knowledge that Ringo Starr probably spent months coming up with the line "The red lights were on/ with George and Paul and my friend John", coupled with the unintentionally plaintive way he sings it, makes it all a little bit heartbreaking.

Then you realise that Liverpool 8's main sentiment is "Hey Liverpool, I fucked you over but look at me! I'm Ringo Starr! Woo-hooo!" and it dawns on you that Ringo Starr is probably a bit of a dick.

But, hey, fun while it lasted, right?

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This entry was posted on Friday, January 25th, 2008 11:00 am and is filed under Music Videos. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

5 Responses to “BAD MUSIC: Ringo Starr, Liverpool 8”

  1. Starkey's Arse Says:
    January 25th, 2008 at 11:29 am

    I was inspired to record the ditty I sent you yesterday. It’s coming off YouTube just as soon as it upsets a Beatles fan enough for them to leave a weird angry comment. Nobody’s bitten yet, though. Damn!

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=6ohRZRTP99E

  2. fred Says:
    January 26th, 2008 at 3:49 am

    I actually like this song …. sorry.

  3. Compleat Beat Says:
    January 27th, 2008 at 6:25 am

    I’m a student of music and really enjoy the Beatles.

    That said, I was completely floored with Ringo and Stewart and the other musicians appeared on Letterman. My jaw dropped first at the insipid lyrics. I felt embarrassed for Mr. Starkey. While my brain was trying to process the elementary lyrics, my ears were crying because the jumbled up mess was so badly out of tune.

    Convinced I didn’t actually hear what I heard, I set myself up for another round of punishment when Ringo appeared on Craig Ferguson. This time listeners were treated to four songs, and they were all just as out of tune and made for terribly uncomfortable viewing.

    Did Stewart have anything to do with the lyrics or the music for Liverpool? He looks like he’s a Ringo clone save the 80s leather pants. If Stewart contributed to the composition, I could imagine how he would be living vicariously through the Beatle at his side.

    By the way Ferguson and the audience reacted, the emperor had no clothes, but they weren’t about to stand up and walk out on him.

  4. GK Says:
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    I agree 100% with your assessment.

    It’s like that ugly, sick, decrepid, palid child that no one in the family wants to acknowledge, let alone take care of. But after the first few days something
    larger takes over and inspires us on. Call it maternalism, call it ‘our humanity’,
    call it buddha, christ, krishna or what have you.

    In short, even in his old age, Ringo has confounded us again just by being
    …Ringo. He’s a genius at that.

  5. Ian Says:
    March 16th, 2008 at 2:50 am

    I’ll bet whoever wrote this was having loads of kicks and giggles at how incredibly witty he is.

    Critics are basically people with no talent whatsoever who go around criticizing those who do.

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