If you’ve ever wondered what you’d get if you crossed Azealia Banks with Lily Allen, then you might need to rethink your priorities.
Nonetheless, you’re about to find out the answer and like a weird Christmas cracker joke, it involves thumb people, ugly babies, coke habits, and allegations of being a one-hit wonder. Expect Amanda Bynes to step up her game in the next few days and just start picketing people’s homes with ‘UGLY!!’ placards.
Like most things, it all started with a tweet from the rapper that was supposedly aimed at Lily Allen – now Lily Rose Cooper – after she jokingly tweeted about how everyone is jealous of how pretty she is. Either Azealia Banks doesn’t get her sense of humour or someone’s looking for a little free press for her new song, because she responded:
“weak…she can’t talk though. Not when I met her coked up at yoyo…And NOT with that ugly husband she has.”
Lily admitted to taking cocaine years ago, so there’s no breaking news there. The husband comment was uncalled for – admittedly he’s punching well above his weight by marrying Lily, but he seems nice enough. Not that I’m condoning attacking random people on Twitter, but if she wanted to insult Lily, she could have probably found enough ammo without dragging her family into it.
Lily replied with a vague tweet about how that “better not be, meh”, which doesn’t entirely make sense but is pretty reserved for a woman who once said about how spending one night with Courtney Love made her realize “why Kurt killed himself.”
Azealia responded to this how anyone would, by tweeting back to her that “your husband looks like a thumb.” I would have gone for Prince William after hair plugs, but whatever. Lily’s turn to serve:
“Not even gonna @ her but if she wants to talk about weak, I’m sure her record sales to date should suffice. One hit wonder. And my husband? Don’t go there bitch Or your totally unnecessary security detail may actually have something to worry about #wannabe … Ps we all need thumbs.”
‘We all need thumbs’ sounds like a song on Sesame Street about the importance of not playing with carving knives. Somehow I doubt that Azealia is shaking in her boots at the thought of Lily Allen trying to smack her one, and as for attacking her career, she has already played Glastonbury and won a few Billboard and NME awards. There’s no accounting for taste. Azealia returns:
“@lilyrosecooper LOL ill be a one hit wonder but you have ugly children….. Shhhhhh. SHUTUP”
Truly poetic. Or pathetic, one of the two. Not content with insulting just one person’s spawn, Azealia also decided it was about time that Perez Hilton was reminded of how much she hated him.
I never thought I’d find myself wanting to defend Perez Hilton, but here we are. If you’re looking to waste a few hours, try scrolling down Azealia Bank’s timeline and trying to look for the most insane tweet. My personal favourite so far: