The Awesomeness of Liam Neeson

Liam Neeson, looking cool

Remember Taken, the movie about the kidnapping of Liam Neeson’s daughter and him struggling to get her back? That was a good movie. Evidently, other people agreed, because somehow they’ve decided to produce a sequel. Taken 2 (or, as I like to call it, ‘Taken Again – Oh Shit How Could I Allow This To Happen Twice To My Family?!?!?!’) will be out shortly in cinemas.

Now, I liked Taken, and in all honesty the Taken 2 trailer looks pretty sweet. So this isn’t going to be one of those posts which sarcastically slags off a Hollywood star. In fact, it’s a celebration of the awesomeness of Liam Neeson. Because he’s one of those actors who you’ve seen in about a million things but don’t realise.

It’s only once you look back that you realise he has been the coolest character in every badass film there is out there. And it’s all under your nose! Without you realising, Liam Neeson has become the main man that you want to be in movies.

Liam Neeson in Star Wars

So here’s one big reason why Liam Neeson is awesome: Qui Gon Jinn, motherfuckers. The guy managed to score the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s teacher, making him equivalent to the guy who taught Barack Obama lessons in suaveness. Plus there’s the whole spending several years of your life in one of the biggest movie franchises of the time playing with lightsabers.

Oh, that’s not enough, you’re saying? Well how about the fact that he took the part on the back of a bunch of drunk friends telling him to at a Belfast bar? Think about that for a second.

Liam Neeson in Batman Begins

Maybe you’re not a Star Wars fan. No problem. How about the role Neeson played in Batman Begins as Ra’s al Ghul, the mentor of the caped crusader? In that Neeson has the plum role, being able to see first hand how the life of plain old Bruce Wayne transformed him into the guy out to save Gotham.

Still not certain? Fine. I personally think you’re being a little picky, given that these are two of the main roles in two of the biggest film franchises that there have been in recent living memory, but you’re obviously not easily impressed. I mean, you are reading HecklerSpray, and so your standards are set a little higher than the ordinary person’s.


FUCKING ZEUS. King of the Gods. The guy able to smite down mere mortals with a thunderbolt sent from the height of Mount Olympus. Okay, so realistically Clash of the Titans wasn’t the best movie, but there’s still something to be said for the fact that a casting director in Hollywood saw a script come across their desk with a character briefing along these lines:

ZEUS, 1542, is KING OF THE GODS. He’s suave, sophisticated, and gets his own way. Strong and powerful, no-one stands in his way; he’ll also settle a fight like no-one’s business and looks like he doesn’t give a damn doing so.

They then looked at their Rolodex and said “yep, that’s a part for Liam fucking Neeson.

Music’s Rizzle Kicks knows what I’m on about: check out his tweet from Fathers’ Day:

Liam Neeson gets love from Rizzle Kicks

But personally, it’s the fact that people trust Liam Neeson’s winning ways to win through even when he’s not on screen himself which proves to my mind that he is the most awesome person in all of humanity. Don’t believe me?

Aslan, from CS Lewis' The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

Can you imagine Ryan Gosling being Aslan? No. I didn’t think so. Teenage girls might enjoy Ryan Gosling, but when you grow up and become an adult you want Liam Neeson’s strong and supple arms caressing you to sleep every night.

Liam Neeson meeting the Queen

You’re wary? Don’t be: ask Her Majesty The Queen how she felt after meeting Liam Neeson. Oh wait that’s right, you couldn’t because she was probably weak at the knees of being in front of such a charming, beautiful man.

I rest my case.


  1. Ffrin says

    none of this is in any way surprising to me. I have worshipped him like a God since ‘Lamb’.

  2. Mr. Asia says

    This article is incomplete as it fails to note one very important fact about Liam Neeson. Liam is known to have a large thick long penis. It is rumored to be one of the biggest cocks in show business. If Liam’s penis is anything like the late comedian Milton Berle, then Liam is sporting a whopper. The author of this article should research the story about Mr. Neeson swinging penis and re-write this article with the new information.