Awesome or Off-Putting: The Israeli Mermaid

MermaidAwesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Israel’s got a lot on its plate right now – what with all this talk of nuking Iran, nuking Syria, nuking Lebanon and the constant need to police the wailing wall for people who are clapping too vigorously. Seriously – it all adds up. The last thing they need right now is multiple eye-witnesses claiming an actual mermaid is haunting their shores.

But that’s what they got anyway.

Israel’s got a mermaid. With that knowledge you may conjure up mental images of Ariel sitting on an above-surface ocean rock playing a pan flute while you bravely stab an octopus lady with an old sunken ship. Don’t – because this mermaid is totally gross. With that knowledge you may conjure up an image of how ‘totally gross’ could still be better than your wife, and decide you’d stab the octo-witch anyway.

Well that’s up to you.

For the record though, we really don’t know what the mermaid looks like. Eye-witnesses do – and here’s what they’ve said. According to Natti Zilberman, a local town council spokesperson:

“The nautical nymph is only seen in the evening at sunset, according to media reports, drawing crowds of people with cameras hoping for a glimpse. People say it is half girl, half fish, jumping like a dolphin. It does all kinds of tricks then disappears… They say it is a female figure, it looks like a young girl.”

Are you convinced yet? Do you accept that the mermaid exists? Well then maybe you need another eye-witness quote. This one’s from a guy named Shlomo Cohen:

“I was with friends when suddenly we saw a woman laying on the sand in a weird way. At first I thought she was just another sunbather, but when we approached she jumped into the water and disappeared. We were all in shock because we saw she had a tail.”

The local government there is taking the whole fish-girl business so seriously – enough to offer a million dollar reward to anybody who can bring in all the severed fins from off this thing. There’s a standing order to re-release the gilled-creature back into the ocean after fin removal as not to upset PETA.

Our sources have just told us the reward is for photos, not the actual fins. That’s dumb – duh, Photoshop, Israel, Photoshop!

We think the witnesses are definitely seeing something, and although we’re not quite liberal enough to believe a mermaid actually exists, we’re not ruling out a dolphin biologically cursed with beautiful human boobies. And unless you can concretely prove our plausible theory wrong, we’re really not interested in hearing from you.

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  1. brandon says

    The Israeli Mermaid is a cool piece man. after having a bad day. i needed something that sparked new intrest and a feeling of change. thank you truly