Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
The world of the paranormal can sometimes seem to be stuffed with mundane monsters. Anytime Bigfoot sees a camera he high steps it out of range. And Nessie – she’ll occasionally allow her floating-log looking hump to be photographed from a distance, but she’s far too shy for a close up.
Not so for the Brosno Dragon! It’s best known for eating Mongol armies and swallowing Nazi warplanes.
Until recently we’ve hated Russia with a deep resolve – what with their hours-long breadlines and throaty dialect. Can you blame us? Suddenly, however, we’re realising that as paranormal things go they seem to be the hub of everything great. Case in point – the Koranic kid and the crazy footage of the Communist army milling about the remnants of a crashed UFO.
Yes, awesomeness like that almost Earns Russia 15 minutes alone with Obama‘s secret nuclear code briefcase. If anyone in authority can make this happen, we really think they’ve earned it.
Keep in mind it’s only OK because they’ve been such an Awesome or Off-Putting hotbed of late. We already gave you the two recent examples – and now let us present you with a third: The Brosno Dragon.
The locals lovingly refer to it as Brosnya, and as we understand it the thing is basically Nessie with a taste for musky human flesh and fine tuned German engineering. Confused? Wikipedia shall clarify:
“Rumors of a strange, giant creature living in Lake Brosno have existed for several centuries. One legend says that the lake monster scared to death the Tatar-Mongol army that headed for Novgorod in the 13th century. Batu Khan stopped the troops on the sides of Lake Brosno to rest. Horses were allowed to drink water from the lake. However, when the horses ventured down to the lake, a huge roaring creature emerged from the water and started devouring horses and soldiers. The Batu-khan troops were so terrified that they turned back, and Novgorod was saved. Old legends describe an “enormous mouth” devouring fishermen. Chronicles mention a “sand mountain” that appeared on the lake surface from time to time. According to another legend, some Varangians (Swedish mercenaries) wanted to hide stolen treasure in the lake. When they approached the small island, a dragon came to the surface from the lake and swallowed the island up.”
Now compare that, if you will, to this recent Nessie sighting:
“We rounded the corner and saw [Nessie] taking a dump and reading the sports section. Most unexpected.”
Nessie is a stupid pussy. If that quote is true at all Nessie is a stupid pussy. The Russian monster is way better – and to top it all off, Wikipedia goes on to say this about her:
“It is said that during WWII the beast swallowed up a German airplane.”
This is a fact that becomes all the more compelling when you note that a National Geographic photo-shoot of the incident clearly shows the propellers were still spinning.
That’s so neat.
We can’t actually say that the most noble NG was on site. In fact, we can definitely say that they weren’t. We can say that other people claim to have scientifically looked into the matter – as found on the site Unknown Explorers:
“In the summer of 2002, Experts from the Kosmopoisk Research Association along with members from Karavan Magazine, went on an expedition to Lake Brosno and did deep echo location sounding. Vadim Chernobroiv, the Kosmopoisk coordinator said in an interview to the Moscow newspaper that the sonar research registered an anomaly. There was a huge jelly like mass the size of a railway car roughly five meters above the bottom of the lake. The mass stood motionless, until the group decided to throw an underwater petard, a low capacity explosive devise, at the mass. When the device detonated the mass started going up and although nothing ever surfaced resembling a monster the test did return some interesting results.”
Now that Russian science has once and for all proved that they are good at things besides just making two-headed dogs and gorilla hybrid super soldiers, well, we really think they’ve earned a crack at that briefcase.
C’mon Obama. You’re just being stingy.
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