Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
Dear everybody,
Well, they found Bigfoot’s body, and it’s currently being kept in a freezer. The long question of whether the thing exists or not is finally answered.
Or so say the two guys with the freezer.
Evidence of Bigfoot has long been floating about – the problem is it’s always weak evidence. Last time we told you the proof was in the form of foot steps heard deep in the woods with an electronic ear, and how no creature known to man has ever snapped twigs quite in that pattern while walking.
A few years ago we told you about the kid who video taped a sasquatch, but then couldn’t remember quite where the encounter happened, and was in a big hurry to talk dollar signs. Also, there’s the child molestor, who himself was once molested – by a Bigfoot.
This time around it’s two guys (Rick Dyer & Matthew Whitton) in the woods. They run some sort of Bigfoot hunting business, and on a fairly recent expedition stumbled upon a pretty intact hair-covered carcass. Reportedly, they dragged it out of there while other sasquatch watched from the side lines. They made it all the way to a plugged-in gigantic freezer, and are currently keeping the beast quite preserved.
They were going to present incredibly solid evidence that the monster exists last Friday at a press conference – but they didn’t. Here’s the New York Times’ take on things:
“One photograph provided to the news media showed what resembled a gorilla — or maybe an old sheepskin rug — lying twisted in a freezer, with a dollop of intestines protruding from its belly. “There’s a lot of comment being made that it looks fake, or it looks like a suit,” Mr. Dyer said. “But these people wasn’t there when I was sweating, pulling this thing through the woods.”
But that was written before the big news conference. More recently we have something from the Sydney Morning Herald:
“They didn’t produce a Bigfoot corpse; that is in a hidden location, they said, after being moved from a freezer that broke down a couple of times. They will not say exactly where they found the creature and claim they saw a band of other Bigfoots watching them. Neither will they allow anyone other than their own hand-picked scientists to examine the body of the dead animal.
“We’re now the best Bigfoot hunters in the world,” said Matthew Whitton, 31. Whitton and his hiking partner, Rick Dyer, 28, wore the hats to prove it, advertising their website. Mr Whitton is a police officer who is on disability leave; Mr Dyer is a car salesman and tow-truck operator.”
It’s not looking good at this point. But then it doesn’t have to. You know their website is currently being ransacked by a curious public – bringing in loads of advertising money. Their tour business might even be picking up – $150 for an overnight hike and as many Costco-brand granola bars as you can eat.
We don’t actually know their price chart or services rendered.
What we think is this – there are two many sasquatch encounters reported each year for it to be nothing – but this ain’t it.
It could, however, explain where Harriette Winslow from Family Matters has been lately. Seriously – what happened to her?
John Kreuzer says
I’ll just stick with Harry and the Hendersons!
http://kreuzer33.wordpress.com/2008/08/16/bigfoot-press-conference-revealsnothing/
Larry Lindbeth says
Shawn-
I think it is time for you TWO give up on bigfoot unless you fancy a good monster truck rally. I’ll buy a few twelvers (Keystone or Busch…your choice), you buy the ribbed tank-tops and we’ll see some real big foot action.
Buster says
How preserved can Bigfoot be if they put the decomposing body they dragged out of the woods into a freezer filled with water?! http://spittoon.23andme.com/2008/08/17/sasquatchsicle-anyone/
media boy says
i’m still trying to figure out if “Sasquatch” is Bigfoot’s name, or if that’s the name of his species
Chris says
If anyone else finds a Bigfoot body they can send this eCard to a friend to let them know they need to make room in the freezer …
http://www.bigfootinmyfreezer.com/content/master/postcards/cleanOut.php
Enjoy!