Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts or just the plain unexplainable.
This week: Strange Facts/Ancient Artifacts
Metro-award winning blog hecklerspray has one bathroom on its main floor that is made entirely of ivory. Now we're not bragging, but every urinal, toilet and floor tile is carved out of the magical white material. It's OK though, because we throttled each elephant ourselves – and humanely too.
In getting to the heart of today's matter, sometimes when we're sitting there on what used to be a giant herbivore's rudimentary defence system, we get to reading the graffiti surrounding us on the stall walls. You've all seen it – the stuff that reads 'Bloods = Rock, Crips = Scissors,' or 'for a really, really, really good time call Courtney at 555-3442.' (There's no answer there by the way.)
But all that really got us thinking, how long have people been writing this sort of thing in crappers? You know what we found out? It's been going on for at least 2000 years – with specific examples from Pompeii on the next page. And interestingly enough, the content of the scribbles really hasn't changed all that much.
Pompeii was a Roman city buried by volcanic eruption when Mount Vesuvius blew its top on August 24, 79 AD. The city was buried for some 1600 years before it was accidentally rediscovered in 1748. The ash covered the town so quickly some people were 'frozen' where they stood.
We've heard nobody, however, was discovered sitting in an outhouse with a blue Sharpie firmly pressed against the wall – but that doesn't mean they didn't exist. Several examples of ancient graffiti were discovered. Amazingly enough the general content of the vandals' writings aren't too much different from those found in bathrooms today. As Wikipedia puts it, the ancient carved topics cover:
"…everyday Latin insults, magic, love declarations, alphabets, political consigns, and quotations from famous literature, offering us a direct insight into ancient Roman street life."
Now let's get to the good stuff. Here are some actual translated samples found, not made up by us at all. You have the hecklerspray guarantee of authenticity:
"Satura was here on September 3rd"
"…If she can break my tender heart, why can't I hit her over the head?"
"Celadus the Thracier makes the girls moan!"
"Here Harpocras has had a good fuck with Drauca for a denarius."
"Lucius painted this."
"To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy."
"Gaius Sabinus says a fond hello to Statius. Traveller, you eat bread in Pompeii but you go to Nuceria to drink. At Nuceria, the drinking is better."
"The city block of the Arrii Pollii in the possession of Gnaeus Alleius Nigidius Maius is available to rent from July 1st. There are shops on the first floor, upper stories, high-class rooms and a house. A person interested in renting this property should contact Primus, the slave of Gnaeus Alleius Nigidius Maius."
"If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii."
“Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates.”
And our personal favourite:
"Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they ever have before!"
Ancient people were so crude!
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