Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Normally in this column we like to tell you about awesome things like spaceships, unusually hairy two-legged animals or ghosts that never have, but probably will eat somebody’s face off.

Not today though – because we just found a Polygamous matchmaking site that you simply must know about.

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This isn’t really a sponsored article, for the record – but can you imagine if it was? Hilarious!

Now picture this -there hecklerspray was minding its own business while reading on the toilet when we came across a passage about a polygamous matchmaking site. Our first thoughts were that Warren Jeffs was getting less and less Amish all the time. Our second thought was to organise a strike team to go down and save all those children again.

Then we actually looked the site up, and were surprised to find that it was most definitely not run by former-Mormon fundamentalists, or what-not. You want to know how we’re sure about that? Because on the first page it says:

“You have just found one of the best places on the net to find Poly Friends and Mates from all over the world! We welcome all types: straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered.”

Definitely no ultra-conservative religious beliefs found in there, right? By the by, a gay polygamist house is probably a place you should always keep your shoes on – unless you like sticky juices seeping into your toes. Yeah – watch out for that.

Sounds like a weird site -but it claims 8,844 members. No mention as to if they’re all already married to each other or not. hecklerspray was intrigued though – so we bumped their membership up to 8,845 and made a profile just to see what was going on in there. And you know what we found? Married people with joint accounts that read like this:

“Hello, thank you for taking the time to stop by and read our profile. I hope our profile will give you a little more information of who we are…We are a young, very creative, open-minded, professional working couple who have known each other for 8 years. She is 24 of Asian descent and works as an independent sales agent for an insurance company, and he is 35 and works as a physician assistant on an ocean going vessels for an oil company.

“We are interested in a long term polyfidelity relationship with an attractive, fun-loving female to whom would like to share our Gulf Coast home. We are not aginst re-location, but love the warm weather of the south, and we are working on a vaction home in the north. We would eventually like to consist up of a group of 4 females and 1 to 2 males….”

That sounds serious – so does this other one:

“We are a committed, loving PhD ex-musician computer nerd and sensitive, book-loving stay-at-home bi mommy raising two adorable 3-year-olds. Peace and social justice are important causes to us above many other things, though we also love travel, baking apple pie, singing songs with our kids, or exploring the Museum of Science. We don’t smoke or drink; no interest in casual sex. Healthy weight and living habits, preferably organic but not rigid. We’re attachment oriented, seeking a real, permanent relationship, though any relationship must start at the beginning and grow at its own pace. We seek a woman who wants to have children and would value having and raising them together with us, as a family. We had been thinking that a bisexual woman may work best, but straight or lesbian could work also, since what matters most is that values and personalities mesh well.”

Well that all sounds pretty nice, and not like the meagre beginnings of a weird sex cult at all. If you’re interested in that sort of thing, by all means have at it.

Facebook – shove it up your butt. Your services are no longer needed.

And readers, should all of you decide you’d like to marry us – our login is Bill Bixaby, and our photo looks suspiciously like Stu Heritage.

That’s the real deal clincher, we think.

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