Avril Lavigne is famously as dumb as a box of hair, and it's heartwarming to see that – just because she's temporarily stopped inflicting her dreadful music on everyone – her time away from the limelight hasn't smartened her up any.
Avril Lavigne, you see, has been forced to apologise for spitting at two different photographers over the course of a single week in case whatever fans she has left decide that spitting on the paparazzi is a bit disgusting. Ironically, though, the spat-at paparazzi were only following Avril Lavigne around so much in the hope that she'd lead them to some people who are, you know, actually famous. Probably.
We haven't heard much from Avril Lavigne lately. Not that we're complaining, mind you – not hearing about Avril Lavigne means not being subjected to her rubbish skinny-tie teenypop pretend alternative music, and that's something we're totally OK with. Perhaps, we thought, Avril Lavigne getting married to that gurning Sum 41 bloke would have calmed her down somewhat, and made her less of a constantly drunk midget.
But just because she's married and possibly less twatted, Avril Lavigne has lost none of her stupid charm. It's being reported that Avril Lavigne spent a lot of last week spitting at different members of the paparazzi. Classy. TMZ reports one encounter:
After celebrating her 22nd birthday at Hyde, the wannabe punk-rocker unleashed a torrent of "fuck yous" to the paparazzi and autograph seekers, even signing the pleasant greeting on some pictures. Avril and her entourage then made their way to the safety of their SUV, where she rolled the window down and loaded up a liquid projectile in her mouth. Moments later, she displayed her masterful sharpspitting skills by hitting one photographer in the face while laughing hysterically and screaming, "bitch!"
Now in the cold light of morning, Avril Lavigne has woken up, rubbed her tiny three-year-old head and thought "Oh no, I spat at another photographer last night, didn't I?" and done the only appropriate thing – rushed out a halfhearted insincere apology to nobody in particular on her website:
"I'd like to sincerely apologise for my behaviour with the Paparazzi. It's trying at best dealing with their insistent intrusions. I meant no offence to my fans, whose relationship I truly value. I have and will always go out of my way for my fans. My behaviour was a reaction to the persistent attack from the paparazzi."
We've digested this apology, and we think we've come up with some groundbreaking advice for you here, Avril. If you don't like the paparazzi, stop being famous. Just stop. Stop singing songs about Sk8ter Bois. Stop selling creditcards with your face plastered all over them. Stop doing the voice of funny marsupials in cartoons. If you do that, the paparazzi will stop following you around, and nobody will ever report about you being an ungracious little gobshite ever again. Deal?
Read more:
Avril Hocks Another Loogie – TMZ
[story by Stuart Heritage]