Articles by Stuart Heritage
Day two of our British Soap Awards nominee list, and this time hecklerspray and betfair.com are going to fill you in on who’s up for Best Actor.
It’s been said that being a male actor in a soap is a lot like working at McDonalds. You work long hours, you get screamed at a lot by fat people, your skin goes shiny from all the grease and you get free happy meals at the end of each day.
OK, look, it was the best analogy we could come up with…
is quickly turning into wonderful television. Despite the fact that it’s basically two blokes teaching people how to cook, the show has grown more and more ridiculous with every episode.
The British Soap Awards are creeping closer and closer, and it’s fair to say that hecklerspray’s excited. Actually, that’s a totally unfair thing to say. If it was the British Awards For Giant Breakdancing Robot Ninjas, we’d be excited. But we’re mostly unmoved by the prospect of seeing a bunch of smug actors applaud themselves.
However, lots of people are looking forwards to it, so we’ll perform a public service, and list the runners and riders, helped with odds from Betfair.com, starting today with the nominees for Best Actress.
One of the best things on TV, in the whole world, is The Late Show With David Letterman. If you haven’t ever seen it, imagine TFI Friday. When it was really good. Only more professional. And far better presented.
In another sign that the world is not perfect, America gets The Late Show five times a week, and what have we got? Sycophantic old Michael Parkinson, a man who looks like he smells of stale urine and murray mints.
To be fair, the Letterman show does have it’s critics. And none are more baffling than Rosie O’Donnell.
Handheld gaming has come a long way since hecklerspray were kids. Back then, it was a cup attached to a ball by a bit of string, and if you didn’t bloody well like it was straight to bed with no pudding.
So reports of a release date for the latest for the handheld Playstation, the PSP, have got us more excited than a busload of Brownies going to a Mark Owen concert.
Good old Arnold Schwarzenegger (DVDs). In a world full of politicians scared of saying the wrong thing and alienating a group of voters, he blunders on regardless, upsetting anyone he feels like. And the political leaders of this country could learn a thing or two from him.
Don’t fight the inevitable. The sun will rise in the morning, everyone will get a little bit older with each day, and the new Star Wars (DVDs) film will be less entertaining than watching a 46 year-old man called Clive file a thousand sheets of paper individually by size and shade. Slowly. In a grey warehouse. In Hull. On a Tuesday.
Not that this will stop the Star Wars fangeeks from getting all excited by the the forthcoming movie. It seems as if Jar Jar Binks, Darth Maul and the sight of Yoda leaping around like Sonic The Hedgehog have done nothing to dampen their expectations.
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‘Trisha’ (books) was a pretty good televison programme. Where else could you see a bunch of crosseyed illiterate pikeys have a DNA test on their babies, with a man-hating fool as the ringmaster?
But it wasn’t perfect. The viewers at home were jealous of the squawking fat loudmouths in the audience who got to shout abuse at the people on the show; and also, disputes weren’t settled by a cash payment.
Thank goodness, then, for The People’s Court.
