If there’s one thing you should have learnt from It Will Kill You by now, it’s that animals are big hard buggers who hate you and want you dead. And we mean all of them: rats, bats, eels, seals, anteaters and, er, well you get the idea.
They don’t get a lot bigger and tougher than the Hippopotamus.
Now I know you, dear, sweet and naïve Hecklerspray readers. You’re sitting there in your lovely comfy chair idly thinking about a big ol’ friendly Fantasia hippo in a tutu dancing with a crocodile, aren’t you?
The name Hippopotamus comes from the Greek for ‘swamp bastard’ and refers to one of the most dangerous animals in the world. Why are they dangerous? Because they weigh up to 8,000lbs, can run 20mph and are hungry most of the time.
Yeah, that’s right – hungry, hungry hippos. Ha ha ha. Get it out of your systems.