Being a gypsy is an affliction that mostly just effects the gay community.

The men therein go to sleep wearing beautiful sequinned pyjamas, and then wake up dressed like Aladdin clutching a stolen loaf of bread. It’s tragic, it’s disheartening, and perhaps worst of all – nobody knows the cause.

Granted, this is all according to our late Uncle Saul. He also says Hitler’s still living deep inside a hollowed-out elephant.

Weird.

Saul wasn’t the only one who worried so for all the poor gypsies – Madonna does too. That’s why she just let them  have her shoes.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Every now and again someone, somewhere finds little stone heads for which gigantic, misshapen wolves always come hunting. Well to be sure, we said ‘every now and again’ – but we meant it only happened once that we’ve heard of. And incidentally – those wolves we mentioned, well they don’t just track you as you and your over-sized Spider-Man backpack walk to school – they angrily plod through your house too. Searching all the while.

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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Ghosts are passe and Sasquatch seems about as scary as a bucket full of lollipops. Whatever is the former world of terror/monsters to do? Why, they need to invent some sort of a new creature to fear – and by new creature, we mean of course, children. Not just any children though – needy ones with black eyes.

Black eyed children, it seems, are a fairly new epidemic.

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Well it seems Jessica Simpson has finally learned to not make her pets look so delicious all the time.

No doubt right now she’s stripping all her cats out of their hamburger outfits, she’s un-plucking all her canary’s feathers and hoping the generously applied butter-baste rinses off on it’s own, and she’s gonna stop breading her still-alive goldfish every 15 minutes.

She’s not giving all this up for no good reason though – it’s because a coyote recently swooped in, picked up her pooch, and carried it off to a ferrel-dog picnic or something.

Incidentally, all this happened right before Simpson’s eyes.

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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artefacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

The problems with monsters, ghosts and aliens is that, sure – people see them – but there usually are no pictures to prove it. Sometimes a few frames get snapped off – but the blurry image in the distant background is rarely convincing of anything.

Imagine then, how shocked modern scientists must be as they examine an actual ‘baby alien’ body that was drowned by a scared Mexican farmer…

Our favourite part of watching American Idol has always been crying under the couch with our fingers knuckle-deep in our ears anytime someone holding our remote control decides to check it out.

Our least favourite part of watching the show has always been the aural bleeding. Admittedly that’s probably because our un-filed fingers had just been jammed in there, but still, in our head we blamed Paula Abdul.

Now that blame will have to shift to Ellen DeGeneres. She, apparently, is Abdul’s new full-time, permanent replacement.

If Kate Gosselin plays her cards right she could soon be the flagship of two TV shows.

Jon & Kate Plus 8 being the first, of course. That’s obvious. Her second show isn’t as conventional. That’s because Hugh Hefner has recently offered to pay to digitally add Gosselin to every single Diane-episode of Cheers that was ever filmed. Using Forrest Gump technology she’d be seen sitting between Norm & Cliff gnawing on pretzels & slobbery mail bags.

We would watch that. What we wouldn’t watch is anything where-in her clothes were off. That, in actuality, is where Hefner enters the story.

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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Poor Jack – stuck in those irons. Irons, of course, meaning chains in this case. And why, you may ask, is he stuck in chains? Well some would argue it’s because at some point in his life he’d been incarcerated.

Did we mention that he’s now a giant that haunts old, lonely English roads? Or that his chains are adorned with severed human heads?