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Robin Darke

Hecklerscopes: 6th March 2012

by Robin Darke

Not everyone can tell the future. There’s only a small percentile of the entire World’s population who can successfully predict future events, but when they do get it right, they get it great. Like Mystic Meg. She successfully predicted the lives of thousands of people who watched The National Lottery back in the 90s, week in, week out, and everything was hunky dory. One thing she couldn’t predict was that severe case of herpes she couldn’t shift. No one wants to hear the future from a warty medium.

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WATCH THIS! We Won’t Phone It In Like This Lot Clearly Have.

by Robin Darke

What an exciting week, eh? Have you had a good one? We’d like to say that we have, but that would be a massive lie. A lie as massive as saying that exercise and an healthy diet is the best way to lose weight. Or that Michelle McManus was the best person to win that series of Pop Idol. She clearly was, but only because everyone else was so bad that it made her look fantastic. Like the relationship between World and Kerry Katona.

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Marvel Release Yet Another Avengers Trailer; What Have We Learned?

by Robin Darke

In what could be seen as fantastic timing, in that it comes very soon after the news that Marvel’s Summer blockbuster The Avengers will be renamed the nonsensical ‘Avengers Assemble’, another trailer for the film has been released, culminating in the updated title. Just for you. It seems like all that this trailer has done [...]

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Britney Spears Might Be The New Nicole Scherzinger

by Robin Darke

It’s not very often that the inhabitants of the hecklerspray bedsit have cause to say something nice about Britney Spears. If she isn’t going mental with an umbrella and a pair of hair clippers then she’s screeching around Los Angeles with babies hanging under each arm like some kind of irresponsible sloth. And all that [...]

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Disney Changes The Name Of The Avengers, Let’s All Blame Honor Blackman

by Robin Darke

Hands up if you were excited seeing The Avengers when it gets released in April. Well we’ll just go ahead and chop those hands off because it seems that you won’t be seeing The Avengers anytime soon. Nope. Disney has decided that the great British public, those responsible for making Katie Price a business woman, are too stupid to realise that a film being released in 2012 has absolutely no similarities to a 1960s TV show.

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iPad 3 Imminent; Missing A Home Button Like A Big Wimp?

by Robin Darke

Amazing isn’t it? How a company can get people so worked up about a product which probably won’t be that much different from what came before, but still make it seem that this is the best thing to be clad in plastic and metal since the original Terminator.

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WATCH THIS! Cutting Through The Chaff So You Don’t Have To.

by Robin Darke

It’s that time again everybody, the time that we have a quick flick into the future to see what’s going to befall your houses, via the magical medium of television. It would be wonderful if we could tell you what was going to happen in your life wouldn’t it? Instead watching hours of TV, only to have zero of feedback from you ungrateful sods, we could say that “You will meet a tall dark stranger who will offer you wonders beyond measure” but in reality you will stumble into a tramp, drop your coffee into his lap and learn some new, swearier words for “stupid woman”.

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JK Rowling To Write A New Book; Polishes Off Diamond Typewriter

by Robin Darke

One of the most famous authors of all time, JK Rowling, is set to dust off her fingers one more time to write a new book. Not just any book but a book for adults. It’s suddenly become acceptable to read JK Rowling on the tube. Huzzah.

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Kelly Osbourne Gets Death Threats From GaGa’s Little Monsters

by Robin Darke

What did you do this weekend? Have a slow meander into town to revel at how low humanity has sunk, judging the entire human race by how many overweight teenage girls girls a) have stupid thick rimmed glasses with no lenses or b) wear pink hoodies with the precise date of when they got a DM over Twitter from Justin Bieber (or whoever is running his account while he’s giving Selena Gomez some southern loving and looking at himself in the mirror) there are?

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Lana Del Rey Gets Made Into Leather – Inspiration Taken From Her Face

by Robin Darke

The human body is a fantastic thing isn’t it? We are one of the most advanced beings on the Planet, the only mammal to perfect the art of speech, and in some cases like Katie Price and the cast of The Only Way Is Essex, almost perfecting the art of speech.

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