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Paul Sorrenti

Paris Hilton Doesn’t Want To See Her New Best Friend

by Paul Sorrenti

Paris Hilton Doesn’t Want To See Her New Best FriendEveryone’s favourite spoilt slag, Paris Hilton, is refusing to meet the candidates who are competing to become her BFF (best friend forever).

Instead the candidates will first have to pass an interview with two of the casting directors of MTV reality show ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’.

According to the Metro, the premise of the show is this: ‘hot bitches’ and ‘fabulously fierce guys’ – or ‘girls’ and ‘gay fellas’ as they were once known – battle it out to become Paris Hilton’s new best friend forever.

Forever!

More…

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No Babies Or Wedding Bells For Scarlett Johansson

by Paul Sorrenti

No Babies Or Wedding Bells For Scarlett JohanssonHeterosexual males and homosexual females – and anyone else who has a pulse – unite and take note: Scarlett Johansson’s relationship to actor boyfriend Ryan Reynolds may be on the rocks.

According to a ‘Stateside spy’ working under cover for the Daily Mail, their relationship has ‘hit a rough patch’. It seems Scarlett has been scared off by Ryan’s mentioning of babies and weddings. The spy said:

Scarlett is younger and has no desire for a husband or family just yet.

What’s this? An A-list female Celebrity who prioritises her career above procreation?

How refreshing.

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Britney Spears Primed For Biggest Human Comeback Of All Time

by Paul Sorrenti

Britney Spears Priming For Biggest Human Comeback Of All TimeBritney Spears is getting ready to launch a new $100 million (that’s £50 million) world-wide comeback tour, according to The News Of The World.

Just recenty – just yesterday, in fact – it seemed to all that, like Kurt Cobain and Vincent Van Gogh before her, Britney Spears had reached the end of line – feeling she had nothing left to give – and that all she needed now was one small, gentle push into death’s eternal release. Ahh.

But, unlike like Kurt and Vince before her, she has seemingly deciding that she actually does have something more to offer and that she is going to tour the world giving it out for about $100 dollars a ticket!

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Charlton Heston R.I.P

by Paul Sorrenti

Charlton Heston RIPLegendary actor Charlton Heston has died, aged 84.

The Oscar winning actor had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. A family spokesman said he passed away Saturday night at his home in Beverley Hills, California.

During his career the actor, famed for his muscular build and booming baritone voice, won an Oscar for his role In Chariots of Fire, let rip at a bunch of monkeys for destroying the statue of liberty ‘You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!’. He raised a rod over his head as Moses in The Ten Commandments and parted the Red Sea, and was seen controversially mimicking the Moses-pose in Michael Moore’s Bowling For Colombine, this time as President of the NRA, challenging any detractors of his to pry the rifle “from my cold, dead hands”.

Charlton Heston RIPLegendary actor Charlton Heston has died, aged 84. The Oscar winning actor had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. A family spokesman said he passed away Saturday night at his home in Beverley Hills, California. During his career the actor, famed for his muscular build and booming baritone voice, won an Oscar for his role In Chariots of Fire, let rip at a bunch of monkeys for destroying the statue of liberty ‘You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!’. He raised a rod over his head as Moses in The Ten Commandments and parted the Red Sea, and was seen controversially mimicking the Moses-pose in Michael Moore’s Bowling For Colombine, this time as President of the NRA, challenging any detractors of his to pry the rifle “from my cold, dead hands”.
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Lindsay Lohan Naked, Again

by Paul Sorrenti

Linsay Lohan Is Gonna Get Naked, AgainLindsay Lohan’s solo quest to become the girl ‘more synonymous with sex than any other’ in the whole wide world won another victory today, as news emerges that she is set strip off in her upcoming film.

That’s right, according to MTV UK Lindsay Lohan is going to take all of her clothes off in front of a camera that is all set to record. She is going to get completely naked – can you imagine that??

Of course you can. Everybody can. At just the mention of her name your mind’s eye was no doubt engulfed with images of her inflated bosoms hovering around you, demanding you to suck your celebrity hit from the nipples, which by now may as well be a PLC.

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Tom Cruise’s Face Used To Sell Marijuana

by Paul Sorrenti

Tom Cruise Used To Sell MarijuanaAn image of Tom Cruise laughing like a maniac (a.k.a. laughing like Tom Cruise) is being used to sell a brand of hallucinogenic marijuana in Californian cannabis clubs, and has also been named in his honour.

Somewhat ironically though, the news hasn’t brought a smile to Tom Cruise’s face, and his lawyers are believed to be looking into the matter. Who would have thought that Tom Cruise x Weed = anything other than the most self-obsessed giggle fit in history?

According to the NY Daily News’ Rush & Molly column, the product is being marketed as ‘Tom Cruise Purple’, and one ‘weed devotee’ told them:

I heard it’s the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate.

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Britney Spears To Play Role Of Mental Patient

by Paul Sorrenti

According to the Daily Star, Britney Spears has been offered the chance to play Blanche DuBois in an upcoming London stage play of Tennessee Williams’ Streetcar named desire.

You may be wondering why on earth anyone in their right mind would deem Britney Spears an appropriate figure to take on the role of one of America’s all time great femme fatales but, before you get carried away with that thought, just stop to consider a few things:

First of all, Blanche, as all over 50’s and film students know, comes from a small town in Mississippi, and where does Britney come from? That’s right; a small town in Mississippi.

Spooky, huh?

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Zac Efron Really Grateful That He’s Zac Efron

by Paul Sorrenti

Zac Efron Really Grateful That He’s Zac EfronZac Efron has given us an insight into what it’s like to be him.

Zac, who will be making a welcome return to our cinema screens in the autumn with the third installment of Disney’s High School Musical, said of his existence:

I’m loving it. I’m having a blast. I’m in a good place and really excited to be where I am

That’s nice for Zac. Now also reports that Zac is having to get used to being followed around by a ‘gaggle’ of adoring girls. He said:

The parents are the ones who want the pictures. The girls are too shy, I can pretty much go anywhere – I just have to wear sunglasses.

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Brad Pitt’s And Angelina Jolie’s Marriage Potentially Poppycock

by Paul Sorrenti

Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie’s Marriage Potentially PoppycockBrad Pitt and Angelina Jolie love and trust each other so much that they have decided to sign a legally binding contract making it a huge financial risk for either of them to sleep with anyone else.

According to Star Magazine website, the worlds most famous couple made their love official (any love outside of marriage is unofficial – fact) in New Orleans on Saturday.

What a scoop for Star Magazine! But not so according to people.com, who claim it’s all a big bag of overflowing poppycock.More…

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Lindsay Lohan Wants A Kylie And Rihanna Musical Orgy!

by Paul Sorrenti

Lindsay Lohan has spoken of her plans to merge the musical styles of Kylie and Rihanna for her upcoming album, in a way that can tenuously be described as wanting an orgy.

Li-Lo – as only the coolest of kids are calling her – is determined to pursue her music career, according to The Daily Telegraph (of Australia). Talking about her upcoming album, she said:

I want it to be dance, I want it to be kind of Kylie Minogue meets Rihanna. I hope to tour with it and I hope to really promote it. I’ve already done three songs. I’m doing my third in New York, actually.

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