Think about Drew Barrymore. What do you see in your mind’s eye? Is it a precocious child actor with a slight lisp? Is it grunge-approved 90s Drew with her Doc Martens and sociable boobs? Is it elder-stateswoman of Hollywood with a penchant for bad romcoms?
Doesn’t matter what you think because all that is about to be swept under the rug under the pretense of I’m A Woman And The Role I Was Born To Do Was Motherhood.
That’s right! Apparently, Drew has a baby growing inside her which means that all her achievements and goals will now be flung under the nearest bus in favour of flooding her Facebook wall with pictures of a crapping infant, like it’s the first bald dung-machine that has ever existed!
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Jesus wept. East 17 are back. And now, for some dreadful reason, they’re ready to shout “ARE YOU READY TO ROCK WALSALL?” because they’ve ditched the boyband sound and decided to become a rock band.
If only we were making this up. We even have video evidence.
Tony Mortimer and the other two that aren’t Brian Harvey, are peddling some dismal adult soft rock, thinking they’re like the Kings Of Leon or something. Take That are said to be losing absolutely no sleep over this. And yep, get over the jump for the video.
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It was incredibly shocking and downright upsetting to find out that Kim Kardashian did things just to make money and further her presence in the tabloids. We thought she was the real-deal until her 72 day marriage to Kris Humphries.
That moment was, without question, our generation’s JFK moment. Grief-stricken callers flooded our hastily set-up helpline and the clergy held crisis talks, thinking that they’d backed the wrong horse when they stood-by straight marriage in the face of all those long-standing gay relationships.
It was a troubling time. And it really is about to get worse as the innocent victim in all of this – poor, dumbass Kris ‘ball chucker’ Humphries – is about to blow the whole Kardashian Klan to pieces!
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Guess what? Chris Brown and Rihanna are back together. That’s right. All that domestic violence business has been clean forgotten about as the pair feature on each other’s records. That’s nice isn’t it? Aren’t you thrilled?
Two songs featuring the singers appeared online yesterday, with Breezy appearing on the remix of Rihanna’s song ‘Birthday Cake,’ while Ri guests on the remix of his ‘Turn Up the Music.’
And while the pair retweeted each other’s tracks and all seemed very pally indeed, everyone else either blindly accepts it and moves on, or asks the question: Is either of them actually going to speak about this publicly to condemn Brown’s beating and explain that it isn’t okay to knock seven bells out of your partner, that lessons have been learned and ‘here are the reasons we’re putting it all in the past’?
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Tonight is the 2012 Brit Awards. The show has come a long, long way from its stuffy, humble beginnings and is now very much part of the social calendar like the Baftas and Oscars and all that other backslapping junk.
We’re obviously very, very excited. No. Honestly we are.
And so, to celebrate this auspicious occasion, we’ll be sat at home, grumbling about everything on twitter. Not like the swine tottering around on their hind legs who actually attend the show. We’re not bitter. Not one bit. And seeing as we’ll be on twitter, Team Spreezyists Mof Gimmers and Sophie Hall got together and created a TwitterBritsBingo to help you keep an eye on key phrases that’ll be uttered tonight by those who are Kind Of A Big Deal In Social Media (aka Not Famous At All).
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The news has been breaking steadily all week and now, in possibly the last piece of breaking breaking news, Whitney Houston is unequivocally dead. We dug her up from her grave in New Jersey and she looked absolutely, definitely dead.
Of course, many of you will have seen the performances of the stars at her televised funeral over the weekend which lasted roughly 30 hours. Alicia Keys was on hand to grunt down a mic and show a bit of her bra off, which was nice.
But alas, Whitney Houston remained as dead as she was when she died in the bathtub last week. No matter how many stories appear in the press, Whitney Houston only gets deader.
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What do you do when you have absolutely no faith in your own abilities or the films you star in? Why, you throw as much nudity at it as humanly possible! And that’s exactly what’s happening with Christina Ricci and Robert Pattinson in their new film, Bel Ami.
This, of course, is a two-pronged attack – Ricci will appeal to thirtysomethings who are under the belief that they fancy someone ‘a bit different’ while Pattinson is a banker for those wanting to milk the piggybanks of tweens who are just discovering their own genitals.
Basically, this film may fail in the box office, but it’ll flood Tumblr with a million well-lit naked .gifs. That’s how we measure success now, right?
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Followers of pro-wrestling are invariably still washing their brains with industrial bleach after seeing the skinny-flick of Chyna and her very large nubbin being taken on in the ring by fellow grappler X-Pac.
Of all the celebrity sex-tapes, it really is up their in the harrowing league with Gene Simmons and Screech Powers.
Not that this is stopping our Chyna. She’s decided to make a career out of nudity and, having appeared in Playboy a couple of times, she’s now making a porno which is based on the Royal Rumble and features a Hulk Hogan lookalike with his lad out, ready for some Spunkamania. And yes, we’ve lost our lunch three times already, just thinking about it.
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